I didn't even get to say goodbye.
Barackphan dragged me out the door before I could even pet my dog for the last time. As we were pulling out of the driveway my mother yelled out "We'll keep in touch!!!!!1!1!2!" so which BARACKPHAN responded with "see ya l8r sweatheart ;)"
When we got to the Assasinduf's house Barackphan immediately ran upstairs and Mr. Afledafleduck showed me around the house. A few seconds later I was being pelted by hundreds of stuffed dogs, cats, horses, and you name it. She owned hundreds- no, thousands- my worst enemy: Webkinz™.
As Barackphan went to grab a few thousand more I walked over and picked one up: a gross satanic-looking white dog-horse-cow thing wearing a jean skirt and pink bow. "THAT ONES BAILEIGH . SHES THE BEST AT SINGING Counting Stars™ BY ONE REPUBLIC. (no sponsorship or copyright infringement intended©)
I picked up "BAILEIGH" and- looking BarackPhan right in the eyes- tore her open, and stuffing and a white powder that was presumably cocaine flew all over the room.
"WHAT THE FFFFUCK KERERI" shouted BarackPhan as she ran up to her beloved, fucking gross-looking friend, now torn to shreds on the ground.
She ran upstairs and locked herself in her room for the rest of the night, and I didn't see her again until I was walking down the hall to take a piss at 3 AM, when I saw her wearing a black cloak with a (friendly) pentagram drawn in salt on the ground in front of her. The now-deceased "BAILEIGH" was in the middle of the satanic ritual, with candles lighting up the room. I just kept walking and went back to sleep.
The next day, I woke up to hear BarackPhan and Mr. Alfaphaburger talking about me. Mr. Alfonsobean was saying in a rational voice " You can't just return a person, Allison." "YEAH, but what if that person is a MEANIE!?!" "Allison, please honey, just do your mother and I a favor and shut the fuck up," said Mr. AbjigadBiddlydo. "She may be part of Barackfam, but she will never be part of the Barackphan."
For the first time so far, I agreed with her.
