Week 1

151 1 5

by Fantasy_Bookclub

by Fantasy_Bookclub

Hey!

So, this was longer than a week (sorry), but, we have most of the reviews. There was a slight problem, so, I apologise if your book was not reviewed.

littleowldragon reviewing Arising Fate by Darkened_Forests:

I didn't really like the part of the dream, because starting the first chapter of a book with a dream is a little bit cliche. The thing about demons, faries and angels didn't really suite my taste, but they may be totally acceptible to other people. I really love the way you make Lily's life seem normal, then put a small twist which clears a path for the fantasy part of your novel. It's very creative.

Darkened_Forests reviewing Murder In Fabletown by RandybkRoman:

Ok, so, to begin with my critique, the writing could flow a bit better.

To give an example from the first few lines: "An AK47 rested on my shoulder I looked on the many tables to find many suspected drugs"

- totally understand what your trying to say but everything could flow smoother. Because it is in first person, you could say something instead like: "I stood in the room, an AK47 resting on my shoulders as my eyes scanned the room before me, trailing over the tables that overflowed with narcotics of all variety, from methamphetamines to opiates."

– Making sure your sentences flow well to me is really important because its makes your story a much easier read. Also, don't be afraid to spend more time on details

– what does the room look like, smell like -- use all the senses. I for one definitely get wrapped up in sight and neglect to pay attention to the other senses. I like Zach, just his personality He's someone I could really like – and I like how he does what he wants when he wants to and that he keeps his emotions in check (for the most part).

In chapter 2, did they take photos / gather all the evidence before taking Jacob out of the dumpster and emptying the bin? Should we assume that's already been done? Watch out for simple spelling mistakes like "brake" instead of "break" – simply reading it out loud can solve that.

Also if you switch perspectives, like change to Dee – make sure to put it as a title, or give me some type of indication who is speaking during each chapter. Overall, and despite my critiques, this story has a lot of potential to be great It just needs a few adjustments and some work – but really great start ! I love murder / cop dramas so it's really interesting !!!

Great week, guys! The next week's event (probably not exactly the next week) will be voting!

I'll roll a dice on the books, which will be chosen for the voting!