Why?

No-one else

We didn't talk that night;we had both been very shaken by the previous incident earlier that day.
I loved him, I really did. I mean he was my fiancé! To him, being engaged at the age of 18 is a pretty big achievement, but to me, well I honestly don't really know how I felt.

***

I woke up to the sound of muttering voices murmuring. My head is thumping as I walk into the living room.
"Hey Lo, whats up?" Jay asks me; he's in a surprisingly happy mood.
"My head is pounding. Any chance that you could make me a coffee?"
"Yeah sure." He removes the hair in my face and tucks it behind my ear; he kisses me on my forehead three times.
"Aha, thank you."

I sit down on the sofa. Visions start appearing in my head. I'm witnessing that horrific tragedy once more. I feel insecure. Trapped. Can't breathe........

***

"Lo, Lola, Lola-Rose please wake up! I've lost everyone else, I can't lose you." He is crying, his voice muffled. I hate seeing him like this, it breaks my heart, especially when I'm the cause.

***

It hits me once more. One month. One month since we lost some of our closest loved ones. One month since the unnatural accident happened. I don't know if he remembers, if not, I don't want to remind him. But what if he's thinking that about me. What if he's trying to cope on his.......

My thoughts are shattered when he steadily hands my sweet smelling coffee over to me. He cares a lot for me, as do I, him.
I need to ask him. We need each other.
"Jamie?"
"Yeah."
"You know what today is, one month since 'you know what'?"
"Yeah. But yannoe, I'd prefer not to talk about it. Anyway, I really do need to ask you a highly important question."
"Ok, fire it at me!" I respond in a funny  cowgirl accent.
"Do you have any idea if this situation is ever going to get better?" A frown started to form on his face.                                                                                                                                                                                             "No, but I really don't want to think about it. I think its just best to live life as it comes" I tried my best to lighten the situation.

***

I awake with this weird feeling,

I look up at Jamie. He was so adorable when he slept. Eventually, he woke up.
"Morning my girl"
"Morning" I reply. We sit there for a while until Jamie offers to go and make breakfast. He leaves the room, but comes back within 5 seconds and pokes his head around the door.
"Always and forever, my girl?"
"Always and forever my boy." He pulls me in for a hug, putting his hand around my waist.
We stand there for a while before I turn around and lock eye contact with Jamie. He leans in to kiss me. My mind is telling me no, but my body thinks otherwise. I dodge out of his way.

Well done Lola. Why'd you do that for?
Why?