I don't care

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(Self harm warning and also a bit of swearing is in this) 

Emmalyn POV: 

*DREAMING* I was looking at myself at a young age. Possible around 4 years old. It was late at night, and I woke up thirsty. I knew this night. This was the night that changed my life forever. I wanted to stop my young self but knew I couldn't. I watched the young girl walk down the stairs. Before even reaching the bottom of the staircase she heard screaming, coming from the kitchen. She slowly walked into the kitchen, keeping quiet scared of what it was. Soon she heard her mothers voice yelling at a male voice who she came to conclusion it was her father. She ran into the kitchen and tugged on her mothers hand "Mummy I'm thirsty." She mumbled ever so quietly. Her mother tried to stay calm with her young daughter but couldn't "Harry!" she yelled loudly, scaring the young girl. A boy around the age of 7 stumbled into the kitchen. He looked at his parents and his little sister, being the older one, he caught on to what was going on. He looked at his baby sister "Come on princess lets go to my room" He said lending his hand out to her. She shook her head, not listening "I want mummy and daddy though" she said poking her lip out. Her mother trying to stay calm didn't say anything, but her father leaned down to young Emmalyns level "Listen baby girl go with Harry and I'll come get you in a few minutes" he smiled softly, "Pinky promise?" The young girl asked holding her pinky out to her father. He chuckled "Pinky promise" he said intertwining their pinkys, lightly kissing her forehead. The young girl  took her older brothers hand and went with him to his room. The screaming continued downstairs while Harry tried to distract his litter sister with toys in his room. The screaming came to a sudden stop and the front door slamed. Footsteps raced up the stairs and their mother opened the door "Harry can I talk to you?" she said softly. The young boy nodded and got up telling his little sister to stay. In less than 10 minutes he and their mother came in and sat down with the little girl. "Em, I have to tell you something" Their mum said. The girl looked at her mother and nodded "Daddy and I won't be together anymore" The mother said quickly. Emmalyn tilted her head to the side not understanding what her mother meant. Her mother sighed "Mummy and Daddy won't be together anymore, meaning we won't be living together anymore" She trailed off. The little girl didn't believe what her mother was telling her. She quickly jumped out the bed and raced down the stairs seeing her fathers car pulling out the driveway. The little girl ran outside the house, her father noticing her, tears streaming down her face, he simply waved to her driving away. "You promised" she whispered before going back inside ignoring her mother and older brother protest. *DREAM OVER* 

My eyes shot open. I didn't realize that I was sweating, my breathing quickened. I got out of the bed and walked out my room and into the kitchen seeing my mum and step dad making diner. "Mummy" I whispered. She saw my expression and dropped what she was doing, walking over to me wrapping an arm around me leading me outside. "Did you have the dream again?" she asked me softly. I simply nodded. She sighed and hugged me "Maybe you need to see a therapist" she suggested. My eyed widened "No! I don't! it's not my fault my father left me when he promised!" I yelled. I felt the familiar lump in the back of my throat. I shook my head "I will not cry!" I yelled. Refusing to give into breaking down after all these years. The only thing I wanted was my razor. I sighed and went back inside racing up the stairs. On the way up I bumped into Harry. He saw my face and you could tell he wanted to comfort be right then and there but I refused him. "Em, what have I done wrong?" He asked in a desperate tone. "You know what Harry, If you wouldn't of left me I wouldn't be in the fucking mess!" I yelled trying to get past him. He grabbed my wrist and I yelped in pain. He looked at me his eyes gazing over my covered up arms. He gently started to pull up my selves when I ripped away from him. I ran into my room locking my door. He banged on my door "Open this door right now!" He yelled. I shook my head tears threatening to spill but I wouldn't let them. I ignored his begging to open the door and ran into my bathroom grabbing my little friend bringing it directly down to my skin cutting any place I could. I heard my door knob jiggle and I panicked. I watch it turn and harry ran into the room, looking directly at me with fearful eyes. I did it. I did exactly what I didn't want to do. I broke down in front of him, tears quickly streaming down my face. He started walking towards me. I screamed and brought the razor down once more making the deepest cut I could falling to the ground, giving up on everything I have. 

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