Another day

Spacing (explicit chapter)

(To anyone reading leave a comment on what you think please!)

This morning I woke up to a very happy loudly purring Valentino right in front of my face. I pulled him close and snuggled him while I watched a few episodes of The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. I had to pull myself out of bed before I finished the whole season in one sitting and fed Valentino who only got happier. I check the clock and it says 11:30 and I look over where I see a note on the counter from Gage, I can hardly read his hand writing but I've seen it over the years so I'm used to it. I want to hang out today. Text me!

Hey. I'll be ready in 40.

K c u then

"I wish I was as happy as you were" I say to Valentino as I watch him eat his food. I go and take a shower. In my shower I barely have enough energy to wash my hair. Gage was right I am getting small but I'm still fucking huge. I work so hard to become thinner everyday with minimal results and it's driving me mad. I get out of the shower and do my make up and put on a black high waisted skirt with a light grey long sleeve close fiber top with a Victoria's Secret matching bra and underwear, black as usual. I brush out my hair and it's wet but it will look good once it's dry and slip on some black flats. I decided that I will roll a blunt and smoke it before I leave so I do. I grab my keys and purse and go down stairs where Gage was already parked out front smiling at me.

"Wow. You look hot, get all dressed up for me?" Gage says as I get in after I've put on my seatbelt and he rubs his hand on my knee about to slid it up but I softly push his hand off. 

"Of course not. I need to do laundry, I've been too tired lately." Gage chuckles a little and takes off we drive around a while and I just look out the window spaced out at all of the movement. My mind is getting cloudier by the moment. And I giggle at random things.

"You smoked before you came? SO not fair " he says laughing and drives up a really steep hill then we drive a few minutes through some woods and finally end up at the look out spot where you can see everything because it's so high up. I get out of the car and Gage follows behind me and lays out a blanket and lays down on his back. I just look out at the view and move my hair out of my eyes. It's pretty up here and we usually always hang out here and smoke, to us it never gets old. You can see all of the buildings, the streets, and everyone looks like tiny fragments of nothing.

"Hey, come here"  Gage says and pats beside him I just laugh a little and decline. Gage sighs and then grabs my hand and tugs me down beside him. It doesn't take much effort to bring me next to him so my head falls right onto his shoulder with me looking up at him. I can see that he's watching my lips and he bites his slightly. He looks so good when he does that but I resist the urge to lean up and kiss him. I resist because I don't want him to hurt me again like he always does. I resist because I'm afraid for him to see me bare. I resist because I know that I'm not what he wants, that I'm not what anyone wants.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks and I automatically sigh and scoot off of him laying beside him, both of us on our backs looking up at the clouds.

"About how I don't want to do anything with you because I'm not what you want." I blurt it out so fast I have to look at him to see if I actually just said that out loud. He has a surprised expression on his face so yep I said it out loud alright. I look back up at the clouds and suddenly Gage is on his side and is leaning over me.

"I want you so badly. But you never let me in Lacey, what am I supposed to do so that you will let me in? I've known you all of my life and you have  no one that you are open with, ever. I stay around because I'm waiting, to be that person in your life. I know that I've done messed up things to you to make you even more emotionally unstable but I will make it up to you, okay?" He stares into my eyes the whole entire time and I don't say a word he's waiting for me to say something, anything probably but I don't say a word for a long while. Gage looks sad and I feel bad but I cannot let him hurt me again, I cannot let anyone hurt me. I feel the heat from his body as he's still leaning on his elbow watching me. I turn my head to look at him and he is leaning down, to kiss me. His lips come down onto mine and I give in and kiss him back he leans in closer to me and tangles his fingers in the back of my hair. He bites my lip because he knows it's my favorite and I give in more and tug him into me. We kiss for a long while and Gage has his hand on my thigh slowly sliding it to the inner part and just under my skirt. I'm thankful that he keeps it there. He doesn't want to have sex right now, I can tell. He just wants to be close to me.