My Heart for Yours

12. Delia

12

Delia

The railroad tracks were our meeting grounds since I could remember. It was a bit of a walk for both of us, but the stream that went under the tracks also led into the lake, and Tobin and I spent a lot of time in that lake together. It's also the fastest way to get to town aside from walking alongside the road. I walked up the gravel mound the tracks rested on and started balance-walking on the rails.

"Your hand in mine." Tobin would tease, and we'd try to walk on the rails holding hands, but I know Eamon died on these tracks, and suddenly my legs feel weak. Eamon may have died along here somewhere, but this is also when I knew I'd lost my grandma.

My grandma, the democrat. The woman who fought with Dad for me when Mom didn't, which was often. The woman who loved Tobin like one of her own.

~ ~ ~

I stumbled on the railroad tracks, knowing it was the fastest way to Tobin, but not being able to see through my tears. Our phone conversation had been short. Just long enough for him to know my dad was gone, my mom was asleep, and my grandma just died. My legs ran out of strength, and I just sat on the tracks and waited.

Gram had been the first person in my family I brought Tobin to meet. She'd loved him immediately.

"You may be young, Delia, but you hold on to that boy. He has the kind of heart you don't see in a man very often," she'd said seriously.

I'd laughed, but I knew exactly what she meant. I'd felt it too.

"I bet you two will make love with the same passion you fight with." She snickered.

Tobin and I hadn't gone all the way then, and my cheeks flushed hot. "I can't believe you just said that Grandma."

She'd winked and patted my back. That simple memory, pulled me into another round of agony over losing the only person in my family who understood me.

I heard his feet running toward me. Fast. Tobin never hesitated when he knew it was important.

"Delia." His arms came around me where I was crumpled on the ground.

I shook in sobs that I couldn't control. Didn't even try to control. My Grandma was my sanity. My safe place. My haven from my parents. She wasn't allowed to die.

He kissed my head and whispered that he'd take care of me. That he wouldn't leave my side until I was okay. His arms held me as tight as I needed them to. Tight enough to keep me together.

We heard the low rumble long before the train came around the bend in the tracks. Tobin stood up, keeping me in his arms. He lifted me like I was nothing and carried me home. No complaints.

He sat with me for two days. He stayed at my house holding me, even though it had to be miserable for him to be there. It was the first time he told me he loved me, and there was no way that I couldn't believe him. Not then. Not in that moment. Not even now.

- - -

It's so much harder being here than I thought it would be.

Instead of continuing to walk, I sit and pull out my phone. I have emails and messages stacked up so high I don't know where to start.

The thing is, now that I'm back home, I don't care about the fundraiser, I never cared about the signatures, and I wonder if I care what they think of me. Mercedes said that in an election year they always lose a few friends. I wondered how you can lose a friend, but isn't that exactly what I've done in Crawford?