Why do things always end up like this?

Part 1

(I wrote this when I was sick so... It's perverted... Thanks XD)

China's POV

What was wrong with me? I.... Why? Why did I... Think like that?

For the longest time I found him annoying..

His constant stalking, his creepy and retarded smile, his useless scarf, even that weird noise he made when he got angry...

But really, the only person I found annoying now was myself...

I hated myself now. My mind shouldn't think of those things.... The reasons why I hate myself...

I was so dirty minded... I wanted to do so many things to Ivan.. I hated myself for finding all those annoying things some of the hottest things I'd ever seen in my life...

I loved when he stalked me. I wanted to stalk him! That stupid smile... It was sexy... I wanted to make him smile like that... And run those lips of his down my neck... I wanted to use his scarf to control him... I know that sounds messed up... But it's true. I wanted to pull him closer to me with the wool cloth... And that noise he made when he was angry... I wanted to hear that noise whenever I didn't do as he said.

Truth be told, I disgusted myself whenever I closed my eyes. Truth be told, I no longer trusted myself around him. Whenever he asked to 'become one' I always took it the wrong way. I wished it was the way I took it. I wish that's what he meant.

I know it's not though, that's why I should... No I NEED, to stop. I need to drop this weird, secret obsession for him before it's too late. Before I become to enveloped in my day dreams. Before I really mess up my friendship with him.

I sigh and roll over, staring at the wall across the room. How? Do I just... Start liking someone else? I mean sure, I'd liked people and got over them easily. Rome, England, France, even Japan.... But Ivan... I couldn't seem to get my mind off him....

Maybe... Maybe if I got a boyfriend? I mean... I could go to the next party and just have a one night stand with someone... And maybe make it more? Yeah... That's a good idea! I'll do that! After all, Alfred was throwing a party soon!

(Weird? I know! Like I said, this is something I wrote when I was sick! I'm not right usually, but when I'm sick, I am messed up!)