Why do things always end up like this?

Part 15

Russia's POV

I held my head in my hands. Why couldn't I die?!? No matter how many times I tried, nothing worked! Now my head hurt because I had tried bashing it into a wall and ended up just busting a hole in the wall.

It'd been 4 whole hours since I had royally screwed up. I had pulled the gun on Kiku. I had shoved Yao to the ground. I had attempted to slaughter the man I loved, but wasn't able to and instead hit the ground next to him. Yao had looked at me for the first time ever like I was a true monster. How the others almost always looked at me.

I clenched my fists, gripping harshly on my face. I choked out a sob, then pulled my hands away and shoved a table near me away. Why did things always end up this way?

"What have I done?!?" I wailed, crying.

That's when I heard the door open. I turned around to see Toris and... The last person I expected.

Yao's eyes widened almost immediately after seeing me. I froze up upon seeing the hurt on his face. Oh no... I was making things even worse... I smiled the best I could, trying to cheer him up. My smile had always cheered Yao up... Why did he look even more sad when I smiled?