Too Late
//kennedi\\
There has always been something special about Calum. The way he laughed and his face wrinkled up in the cutest way possible or the way he always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up. I knew things about him that I didn't even realize that I knew. Like how when he tied his shoes he'd always start with his left foot then the right or how he always had to make sure there were exactly 2 sugar cubes in his coffee or else he wouldn't drink it. He'd just slide the mug gently away from him and crinkle his nose. I always knew I loved him, but I never thought I was in love with him until the day when he collapsed. We were playing Black Ops 2 when Cal said he was getting kind of dizzy. He stood up to get a drink of water, but before he could take a step he was on the ground unconscious. I freaked out. I had no clue how to deal with this so I called 911. Then, I sat down next to him placed his head in my lap and prayed that he was ok.
It's 2 years later and Cal still doesn't know how I feel. Damn I'm such a pussy. Today I decided I'm going to tell him. Get it off my chest and give "cake" a chance. The problem is, Cal is sick. Really sick. He has leukemia and it's a miracle he's survived this long. Lately he's been getting worse and worse. Talking less. Eating less. I'm worried and he has to know how I feel before he... Nevermind.
I walk over to where Calum sat on the couch scrolling through his phone. He has a light blanket sprawled across his legs. He rested one leg on the coffee table next to him and the other tucked close to his body. He looked up at me and smiled weakly motioning for me to sit down next to him. I followed his orders and sat down next to him place my arm along the back of the couch.
"Hey Cal. I need to talk to you." He nods and place his phone down beside him as an indication that he's listening. "I've really wanted to tell you this for a while now. I..."
I was cut off by Mikey walking into the room with Cals medication. He handed the two small pills and a glass of water to the boy, who swallowed the pills with no trouble at all. The medicine always kicks in way to quickly and you could already see the drowsiness fill the tan boys eyes.
I sigh and smile at him, as he turns his attention back to me. "I'll tell you tomorrow when you're not so tired." I reassure him and he nods resting his head on my shoulder. The gesture sent butterflies through my stomach as I smiled down at him. His eyes were closed and I couldn't tell whether or not he was sleeping. He cuddled into my side making me giggle at how cute he's being.
"Cal...why don't we go to your bed." I chuckle, "we can cuddle there." He looks up at me with bright eyes at the suggestion and nods eagerly. We both stand up and and walk slowly towards my room. He leans against me as we walk up the stairs. He's so fragile and weak it breaks my heart. He barely eats anymore and finds it hard to do any kind of physical activity. Especially stairs. We made it to my room and plopped down onto my bed. He pull the covers over his body and smiled brightly at me. I laid down next to him and wrapped my arms around his small skinny form. He laid his head on my chest and fell asleep shortly after. I ran my fingers through his tangly, curly hair as he snores softly on my chest. I wanted this to last forever...but nothing lasts forever. I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. He stirred a bit and I smile I saw a slight glimpse of a smile on his lips, but I dismissed it and closed my own eyes. Soon I fell asleep the love of my life in my arms.
~~
I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the most beautiful thing in this earth. He was drooling slightly and snoring like a pig but somehow he managed to still look super attractive. I suddenly became a little self conscious of what the other guys would think about us sleeping together so I shook Cal gently. He stopped snoring, but he didn't open his eyes. I shook him again hoping this time he would actually get up. He didn't even stir. My heart started to race. I remembered what the paramedic taught me a couple years ago and pressed my fingers to his neck checking for his pulse. It seemed normal and steady but he wouldn't wake up. I decided to call the the hospital anyway just to be safe. They arrived shortly there after and loaded him into the ambulance. I teared up at the sight of him entering that car again and rushed to my own. Michael and Ashton followed me climbing into my car after I unlocked it. I drove after the speeding ambulance, and we arrived at the hospital in no time. We all sat in the waiting room as God knows what is happening to my love right now. I tugged at my hair and glanced around the room at the other people who seemed a lot calmer than I was at this moment. Michael placed his hand on my back and I looked over at him. He gave me a small smile but all I could do was turn away. I couldn't smile until I knew that Cal was ok. A short lady dressed in white walked out into the waiting room and looked directly at me as she gestured for me to follow her. I stood up and the boys followed as she lead us to Calum's room. Deja vu hit me like a knife as I walked through the dreary halls. As we reached his room my heart wrenched as I thought about what could be waiting on the other side of the door.
Michael made the first move. He opened the door hesitantly and walked inside. I followed him and Ash was right behind me. I didn't expect to look at the bed and see Calum brightly smiling at all of us. He almost didn't look sick at all. Almost. He was still super pale and a bit too skinny from his lack of eating. He opened his arms and we all took turns hugging him.
"God Cal we were so scared." Michael says quietly, the relief clear in his eyes. Calum shrugged apologetically and turned to me. I smiled slightly and looked into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
"I'm so glad you're alright," I step closer to him and grab his hand. He smiles and squeezes my hand lightly. We all sat around and talked while Calum just listened occasionally laughing or adding a short comment to the conversation.
Around 2 hours later a doctor came in and gave Calum his medicine. He became drowsy and laid back in his bed. Michael and Ashton decided this would be a good time to leave, so I gave them my car keys and decided to stay behind.
I sat next to the sleeping boy his fingers tangled in mine. His head was leaned to the side and his hair was sticking up in all different directions. I always admired how peaceful he looked while he was sleeping. He didn't look sick or weak. He just looked...happy.
His eyes fluttered a bit before they opened fully and he smiled a big toothy smile.
"Morning sunshine." I beamed and he giggled in response. "I was thinking I could tell you what I wanted to tell you earlier." He nodded eagerly and I chuckled. He's so fucking cute. "I really lo..." He began coughing. Not like small little coughs when you get a tickle in your throat. He started coughing up blood. I called the doctors quickly and they rushed to his aid while I was pushed out to the hall. I paced back and forth expecting the worse. I couldn't loose him. Not now. I was so close. I was half way through the word. This can't be the end. I backed up against the wall and slid down it placing my head in my knees. I began crying silently. I can't loose him. He's my world.
~~
I woke up to a small woman shaking my shoulder. She nodded towards Cals room and I jumped to my feet and ran in. He looked extremely pale and his eyes lacked that usual sparkle that they held until he saw me. He looked up at me and smile brightly and it was like he wasn't sick at all. I walk up to him and grabbed his hand as if he was was slipping away.
"Cal how are you?" I said quietly scanning his face.
"Luke...tell me what you wanted to say." He said his voice raspy and small. I nodded and took a deep breath.
"Calum I've known this for a while now but I really want to tell you. I lo..." The steady beeping of his heart monitor dulled down to a small roar. He was gone. He slipped right through my fingers and the worst part. I never got to tell him loved him...correction I love him. Sure we had our moments where we would say it then joke about how sappy we were being, but now he's gone. I will never be able to tell him that he's my world and he made me the happiest boy on earth.
I dropped to my knees and sobbed into my hands for a good hour after his death. The doctors tried to move me but I didn't have the energy to move. I just watched the love of my life die before I could tell him that I loved him. No one understood the pain I was feeling at that moment. Every time I tried to tell him, something got in the way. Well, I guess it's too late now.
