I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (CaptainSwan) ON HOLD

4~ Inner Struggle

Killian's POV
(Set a day before the events of last chapter)

I stared in awe at the picture of perfection before me. Her hair fell in silky waves down her back, her emerald eyes sparkling in the light as she drew closer. What a woman. Our hands entwined, leaving a tingly feeling in the tips of my fingers as hers brushed passed them. "I've been thinking about you," She purred in my ear. Oh if she only knew how much I'd been thinking about her. I couldn't get her off my mind over the last few months. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless. "Oh, my love, I can assure you, you've been in my thoughts as well." I confessed, revelling in the smile it brought to her lips. She began to lean in and I followed suit, my heart pounding faster and faster as her beautiful, pink lips neared mine. But before they could meet she pulled away, a wicked smile marring her once soft features. "Too bad this isn't real then, huh?"
***
I shot up in my bed, panting heavily as if I was a thirsty dog. The room was empty, it was just a dream. I cursed under my breath. This was the third time this week I'd dreamt of her and I was growing increasingly weary of it. It was always the same. I'd see her, she'd get close enough to touch but then slip through my fingers like sand and I'd end up alone in bed, drenched in sweat. What kind of siren was she for goodness sake. How could something as trivial as a human be distracting me from my goal? How could I let this happen? I wasn't like them, those insignificant creatures, I was never like them. Even when I was one I was always different, always meant for more. Killian Jones didn't feel things, didn't let a woman get to him... get to his heart. No. I wanted more than that. I wanted something that would last and if there was one thing I knew about love is that, without fail, it always ends. My heart was meant for pumping blood not messing with my head. It had never done that before so why in bloody h::: did it decide to chose now to start screwing with me? Now of all times. Now when I was so close to getting everything I'd been working so hard for. My anger finally reached its peak and I couldn't contain it anymore, not without some help. I got out of bed and stomped over to the cabinet, taking out a new bottle of rum. "Screw feelings," The alcohol burned in the most satisfying as it trickled down my throat. And I found myself pouring another glass, and another... and another. I drank as much as it took to take away the feelings for I had no use for them. The wonderful haze kept me calm until it was abruptly broken by a loud knock. "Sir, can I come in?" Mr. Smee, again? He wouldn't leave me be lately. "Yes, enter." I groaned and pulled myself up from my chair. He wasted no time scurrying in once he'd gotten permission and I found myself rolling my eyes when I spotted the pile of paper work he held in his fidgeting hands. The man couldn't ever just come not baring work. "Good evening, sir. How'd you sleep?" Awful, horrible. "Fine." He smiled his usual nervous smile and continued on with his babblings. "That's great i'm glad to hear that. It's a fine day outside don't you think-" "-Enough with the small talk, Mr. Smee," I interrupted, having no more patience with him, "Just tell me what tedious thing you've got for me to do in your hands and get out of my hair." The old man's brows furrowed and I could see the worry etched in his face. "You don't look well, sir. Maybe I should come back later." I was taken aback by his words. What did he mean I didn't look 'well'? "I'm just fine Smee. Now give me the paper work," He stepped away from me and shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea. Look at yourself." Though annoyed, I heeded his request and looked in the mirror. "Bloody h:::," The man that looked back at me in the mirror was unrecognisable, a mere shell of what I usually saw. Smee was right, I was a wreck... inside and out. And it was because of her. I needed to see her, feel her, be close to her just once more. If I only had just one more night with her I could get her out of my system and start to recover. All I needed was just one more taste of Emma Swan... and I'd be rid of these feelings forever. "Get my coat," I ordered, set on my decision to see her again. "Why? Where are you going?" My head pounded every time the pathetic little man spoke. Couldn't he just, for once, follow my orders. "It's none of your business, Mr. Smee now get me my bloody coat." He paused for a moment and I could practically see his wheels turning. Why did he insist on being so nosy all the time? "This doesn't have anything to do with that woman, does it?" My eyes went wide. How did he know about Emma? "What woman?" "The woman you call out to in your sleep... Emma." As soon as her name came out of his mouth I had my hook to his throat. How dare he say her name. It was not his to utter, it was too perfect, too beautiful to be wasted on the tongue of a coward like him. "Don't you ever say that name again," I growled, digging the tip of my hook into his skin until a drop of blood trickled out. "Now, go get me my coat."
***
Writer's Note:
So there you have the backstory:)
Hope it's sufficient. Xx