The End

Four

Four

I was by no means a morning person, but my days usually started out alright. I normally didn't have breakdowns until the end of the day, while I tried to fall asleep at night. The next day was an exception to this. Despite the fact that I was having fun getting to know Mark, as he left the room to shower that morning, I had a sudden realization. Mark was sleeping in my ex roommate's bed. He was living on her side of the room, soon to invade her dresser space with his new clothes that hadn't been properly put away yet, and he was taking her place as my roommate. I had been thankful just to have someone to talk to, but everything started to feel so wrong to me. It almost felt like Mark was taking her place, but I didn't want to believe that. The truth was that I had tried to contact Sam, several times. She had never answered, and I wasn't sure if she was dead or alive. I didn't want to think of her as deceased, but in reality, I had no idea what was going on with her - where she was, if she was okay, or if she was still breathing. In the somewhat short amount of time that I had been surviving alone in the apocalypse, I had experienced quite a few breakdowns about this cruel reality. Sam was my best friend, and it felt like I had lost her. She could never be replaced, and yet I was letting some stranger take her place in my life.

I had thought about leaving to go find her many times, but I always ruled this option out. I had no idea where she could have gone. And what if she had died, and I found myself wandering into danger for nothing? I told myself that I would look for her if I could get into contact with her or her family or even if there was some sort of sign that gave evidence of her still being alive. But she never answered, and neither did her family members. I wanted to be positive, but that made me lose hope. All of this hit me like an avalanche when Mark left the room, and I found myself having another emotional breakdown. And to make things worse, I lost track of time, and Mark walked back into the room to see the crying mess that I was, clutching a pillow for comfort.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked, dropping the clothes he had in his hands and rushing over to me.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," I mumbled, quickly wiping away tears. I didn't want to seem weak to him. I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable when we barely even knew each other.

"It sucks," he said, after a moment of silence.

"What?"

"Life. It sucks. This whole zombie thing, it's so dumb. It's torn apart families and broken so many people," Mark clarified. He cautiously sat down next to me on my bed. "And it's okay to be upset about it all. I don't know how most of my family is, or my friends. I know that my brother is safe, and one of my friends was going to try to find our other friend...but there are so many unknowns."

"Out of all the people I have to be crying about, I'm the most upset about Sam," I admitted.

"Sam?"

"My roommate. Well, my ex roommate, now that you're here. It's just that she knew me better than anyone, and we've been best friends for years. She felt like family, even if she wasn't related to me. And I have no idea if she's even still alive or not."

"It's hard, not knowing. Trust me, I know that feeling. It's okay to be upset about it. But you can't let the pain you feel define you. You have to keep going and just hope that she's okay," Mark told me. I just nodded, still trying to collect myself and stop my eyes from watering.

"I'm going to go shower," I decided. I wanted to get away from him and be alone for a bit longer. He seemed to understand. It was kind of him to try to cheer me up and reassure me. It honestly did make me feel better, but I really didn't know how to handle situations like this. I had almost wanted to hug him, but something felt weird about it. I thought things through as I washed my hair, face, and body in the shower stall, and I felt both physically and emotionally better by the time I got back to the room. Mark was sitting on his bed eating a granola bar when I returned.