I give up trying to talk about last night’s kiss and we eat breakfast in silence; only the clattering of spoons in bowls and the crunching of toast can be heard. Afterwards I go back upstairs for a shower, leaving Cheryl alone in the kitchen.
Walking towards the bathroom, towel in hand, my eyes are drawn to the spot in the hallway where Cheryl kissed me and a sudden feeling of disappointment sweeps through me; halting me in my tracks.
I’m disappointed because I don’t want the kiss we shared to be brushed off as a drunken display of affection that she can’t, or chooses not to remember; I want it to mean something.
Really mean something.
There’s no question that I’ve always felt sort of drawn to Cheryl but the realisation that I’m attracted to her hits me like a ton of bricks. Hurrying into the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and sit down on the edge of the bathtub. I catch sight of myself in the mirror and stare long and hard at my reflection.
I can’t be attracted to her, can I?
She’s........ And I’m........And we’re not even............
Quickly abandoning that train of thought, I step into the shower and turn on the taps, letting the hot jets of water rain down on my body. Stepping further under the spray, I close my eyes and a little flashback of last night pops into my head, causing butterflies in my stomach.
Oh, God! That shouldn’t be happening should it?
No, it’s not possible. I don’t like Cheryl. I like men. Men. It’s just been a while since I.....met up with Justin; that’s why I’m feeling like this.
I quickly finish washing and get out of the shower, drying myself off with a towel. Slipping on my bathrobe, I wrap a smaller towel around my hair and unlock the bathroom door. I open it slightly and peek through the gap to check that Cheryl is still downstairs. When I am confident that she is still in the kitchen, I open the door fully and quickly head for my bedroom, making sure not to look at that particular point in the hallway; if I don’t look at it or think about last night, or her, these feelings will go away and everything will go back to normal.
I hope.
*******************************
That night it’s me who has a nightmare.
Well, the dream wasn’t exactly unpleasant but my reaction to it scared the hell outta me so it might as well have been a nightmare. I’d done my best to avoid Cheryl for most of the day but somehow she managed to creep into my subconscious while I was sleeping, carrying on from where we had left off last night.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at that hallway carpet in the same way again.
The worst part was that I enjoyed it. Or, dream me enjoyed it. Technically it’s my dream, so I guess that means the real me enjoyed it too.
God, this is confusing.
Needing a glass of water, I climb out of bed and walk quietly down the hallway. Cheryl’s bedroom door is half open and I fight the urge to turn my head and look inside as I pass by.
After getting a glass of water from the kitchen, I climb the stairs and walk back towards my room. This time however, I give in to temptation and come to a stop outside Cheryl’s door.
Pushing it open a little more, I gaze over to the bed and smile when I see her sleeping soundly, sprawled out on her back; the moonlight lighting up the room and casting a silver glow onto her face.
I think back to her first night here. How I stayed in her room to comfort her after her nightmare. How I climbed into the bed with her and she pulled my arm tight around her waist. I remember how good it felt to be close to her, holding her.
I also remember how guilty I’d felt for enjoying that closeness. Looking back I guess I needed the comfort as much as she did.
Her second night, she had another nightmare. I’d been listening out for her and came running in when I heard her sobbing. This time she didn’t say a word as she pulled me into the bed beside her; she just snuggled into me and drifted back off to sleep, dreaming peacefully for the rest of the night. My own slumber had been pretty peaceful too, once I was close to her again.
Cheryl stirs in her sleep and turns over, her plaster cast making a thumping sound as it lands down on the mattress. Pulling the door closed, I walk to my room and get into bed, trying hard not to think about the confusing feelings I’m having.
Tossing and turning, it’s at least an hour before I’m able to get back to sleep and Cheryl is still on my mind when I finally do.
********************************
The next few days are hard. I try my best to ignore my feelings for Cheryl but living in the same house as her is making it difficult. I find myself staring at her lips while she’s talking or completely zoning out and missing half of the conversation.
I’m sure that she can tell I’ve been acting different around her but thankfully she hasn’t said anything yet.
My phone beeps, signalling a text message. It’s from Nicola
Hey Kimba, a bed has just become available at the shelter for Cheryl if she wants it. Sorry it took a little longer than expected. Nic x
I stare at the screen and re-read the message a few times. Having Cheryl out of the house would certainly make the whole ignoring-my-feelings-for-her situation a lot easier. Just like the old saying goes; out of sight, out of mind.
But on the other hand, I actually really like Cheryl being here. It’s nice having someone to come home to. She isn’t the tidiest houseguest in the world but her endearing personality more than makes up for it; I can live with a few dirty cups in the sink and clothes scattered on the floor if it means I get to sit and have breakfast with her every morning.
The front door opens and Cheryl comes in; we’d run out of milk so she popped down to the corner shop to get some.
“Hey” she calls, “I got the milk”
She opens the carrier bag she’s holding and pulls out a bar of chocolate, “And I got you this. It’s your favourite, right?”
“Yeah it is” I smile at the thoughtful gesture
She goes and puts the milk in the fridge and then returns to the living room, sitting down next to me and handing me the chocolate bar.
“Thanks” I open the wrapper and break off a square of chocolate, “Didn’t you get one for yourself?” I ask, popping it into my mouth
“I did” she grins, “but I ate it on the way home”
I roll my eyes and turn to face her, trying hard not to let her dimples distract me, “Nicola text me a little while ago” I say
“What did she say?” Cheryl asks, reaching over and taking a square of my chocolate, sticking her tongue out at me before eating it.
“She told me that there’s a bed for you at the shelter, if you want it”
“Oh” Cheryl’s face drops and she moves to get up from the sofa, “I guess I better go and pack”
“No, wait a minute” I reach out and put a hand on Cheryl’s leg, “Don’t feel that you have to leave just because there’s space at the shelter for you now. You’re more than welcome to stay here.”
“Really?” she asks hesitantly
“Really” I nod, “If you want to, that is”
Cheryl doesn’t answer; instead she just throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Having her suddenly be so close makes it hard to breathe but I hug her back and try to hide the enormous grin on my face.
