My best friend's brother

(1) It's Hard to Forgive

A/N 

If anyone is actually reading this, I really hope you like it. I've tried to write a couple of books before and never followed through, so this will be my first official book.

Please leave me comments or vote if you like it! It'd be a great confidence booster to motivate me to keep writing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Growing up next door to your best friend is every little girl's dream. Not a day goes by without seeing them. You get so comfortable with their family that you can consider their home your own, barging in without knocking or grabbing food from their fridge without asking. You are there for every important part of their lives, be it a positive event or a negative one. You have a constant support system to help you through whatever life throws at you, and you are always there to support them too. 

You can imagine how I reacted when I learned that Sadie, my best friend and next door neighbour of 13 years, was moving an hour away the summer after grade 8 graduation. Our parents had called Sadie and I down one night, instructing us to sit on the couch. They broke the news to both of us at the same time. Sadie was pissed, to say the least, and spent the next two hours trying to convince her parents not to move. My parents took me home to let her settle down, and I broke down into tears the moment I walked through my front door. I locked myself in my room for hours,crying as I rifled through photos of us over the years. It wasn't fair. For 13 years we were constantly at each other's sides, and now I had to face a whole new school completely alone. 

Over the next few years, we remained in constant contact. We skyped or facetimed on the weekend, and texted during the week. We made lots of plans to meet up, but the reality was that we now lived an hour's drive away from each other, and forcing our parents to make that drive every weekend just wasn't fair. As time went on, we developed our own social lives, and only saw each other once every two months, sometimes less. 

When Sadie had called me last month to tell me her parents had rented a cottage for the summer and she wanted me to come, I didn't even hesitate. How could I say no to an entire summer of just me and my best friend? It had been so long since we had spent a long chunk of time together, and with us heading off to university after next year, it was completely necessary. 

I pushed through my last few weeks of grade 11, counting down the days to our departure. Today was finally the day. Sadie and her parents picked me up at 10:00 am, and we set out on the long car ride from Toronto to Muskoka. No matter how much time we spent apart, as soon as we were together it was like she had never moved. We laughed and talked the entire drive, catching each other up on our lives and planning our summer. 

As we pulled up the driveway of the cottage, I was in awe. It was beautiful. The cottage itself was a small log cabin, with big windows and a wooden porch facing the water. A wide path of pebbles curved down to the waterfront, luscious grass on either side. At the water there was a huge wooden dock, and on top was a set of colourful muskoka chairs set up around a cocktail table. To the right of the dock there was a sand beach, the water slowly increasing in depth the farther out you walked. On the beach there was a canoe and kayak lying flipped over, the paddles and lifejackets stashed underneath. It wasn't much, but it was cozy, and exactly what I needed.

As I stepped out of the car, I felt a cool breeze. It was a pleasant relief from the hot, humid weather we had been having in the city for the past few months. Sadie stepped out after me, a huge grin on her face. Clearly, she shared my excitement. I was in the midst of grabbing my bags from the trunk when a red BMW pulled up into the driveway. My body tensed, knowing exactly who the driver was; Declan, Sadie's older brother.

I never had any siblings of my own, but growing up next to Sadie and Declan, I didn't need to. Sadie took on the role of my sister, which was great. Declan quickly began treating me like a sister as well, which if any of you have older brothers you would know is not so great. 

Declan treated me like shit. I never really knew him until I was in grade 1, when I began attending his school. He was in grade 3 at the time, and him and his friends would always pick on Sadie and I during recess. Sadie didn't mind it too much. She had always been a very outgoing, open person, and even from a young age she would tell people off. She always had a quick comeback to shoot back at anyone who tried to piss her off. It also helped that she really had nothing to be ashamed of.

I on the other hand did. Growing up, I was big. And I don't mean big as in chubby, or even fat, I mean big as in obese. My parents never really cared about my eating habits. As long as I got fed, it didn't matter to them. I was the kid who would finish all their halloween candy in less than a week or go back for seconds and even thirds at most meals. 

Declan took no sympathy to my weight problems, and quickly labelled me Fatty Maddy. He would make fun of me every time I ate at his house, saying I shouldn't eat so much bread or he didn't think I should have a slice of cake.

I knew I shouldn't take a stupid little boy so seriously, but it was hard to brush off his comments. They hurt. I would often go home and cry in my room, stuffing my face with cookies to dull the pain. I never let Sadie know how much her brother was getting to me. It was too hard to admit to someone with so much spunk and self confidence that I was letting words hurt me. 

This went on until they moved, even when we got older. I hadn't seen him since the move, and I was okay with that. I didn't see Sadie that often to begin with, and when I did, it was either at my house or in public or at her house when he wasn't home. 

The summer between elementary school and high school, I met a girl at camp. She was only a year older than I, and she had been diagnosed with diabetes last fall. She was explaining to me all her bad habits that had caused the disease, and eating poorly was the main one. After finding out that she has to prick herself with a needle and draw blood every day, I came to the decision that I was going to need to change some things. I began eating better - picking healthier food choices, controlling my portions and cutting down on sugary drinks. I also joined a gym, where I attended weekly spin classes and met with a personal trainer 2 days a week. 

It was hard work, and there were so many times I was tempted to fall back into my old patterns, but I stayed strong. Three years later, I'm completely satisfied with my body. I'm not stick thin, but I'm tall and lean, with some nice curves. I didn't do it all to look good, I did it to feel good. Now, not only am I not subject to bullying but I lead a healthy lifestyle and am overall a happier person. 

When I heard Declan was joining us for the summer, my heart sank a little. I was so excited to be spending the summer with my girl, and I didn't want that asshole to ruin it for me. I'm not one to hold grudges, but he caused me immense amounts of pain without so much as batting an eye, and I wasn't ready to forgive him for that. 

I watched as Declan stepped out of the car, not looking forward to seeing the face of that stupid little boy and have all the hurt come flowing back. As his head emerged from the car and I got a complete view of his body, my heart almost stopped. This was not the stupid, ugly face of 14 year old Declan Conrad. This was the face of 19 year old Declan Conrad, and fuck was it gorgeous.