She sits there in the dark staring at the vast darkness in front of her. She had never liked the darkness, it scared her. There always seem to be something lurking in the darkness, waiting to for the right moment to pounce at her. Right now, the darkness embraces her like an old friend. She is comforted by the idea of being in the dark, not having to see or talk to anyone.
"I don't love you anymore..." keeps ringing in her ears. Tears welled up in her eyes again. The picture in her hand getting crumpled up even more with every sob.
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"Happy Birthday..." she whispered to herself in the darkness. She picked up the phone so many times, well rehearsed lines in her head. "You broke me... and now I can never fix it.." She wanted to hurt him like he hurt her. Those times where she sat alone, remembering him saying "I love you, never forget that." She really didn't forget, and never can.
A year ago, she hid away all day in the kitchen with a smile on her face while carefully cutting the cake, fashioning a camera out of layers of rainbowed colored cake. The sun had already set as she put the finishing touches on the cake. Her heart filled with excitement as she waited for him to return. The clock ticks on as the smile on her face fades away.
Hey, where are you?
I'm just with some friends, I will be back late.
Okay. Please come back soon? Love you.
She waited till the clock striked 12. Till the short hand pointed at 1am, 2am.. 2.30am. She heard a car engine stop outside her place. Her face lit up despite the tiredness. He came in claiming he was tired but she led him to the table and showed him the cake. "Thanks babe, but I'm tired, can we please do this tomorrow morning?" he said as he walked up the stairs.
She quietly placed the cake back into the fridge and followed him up the stairs.
"I waited up all night for you, I really wanted to show you the cake. Did you not even like it?" she asked, hurt.
"I just got carried away with the time and they just wanted to spend more time with me"
"You could have told me instead of telling me you were going to be back 2 hours ago and making me wait up all night"
The argument went on till she got so tired that she broke down crying. He started crying too. He said he didn't want things to end this way, especially not on his birthday. He apologized and so did she. It broke something inside of her, she waved it away.
This year, she sat in front of the computer thinking if she should send him a greeting. She opened a new chat message, Happy Birthday! :) was all she could type before closing the tab entirely. It still hurt even to see his name, let alone his picture.
Sometimes, she revisits their old blog, to read back all the promises her made to her. How could she have believed in all of those? She dreamt of a happy ending, but there aren't any around. All the "I will never leave you alone", "I love you, remember that", replaced with "I don't love you anymore", "I like someone else", "We were like friends, who met up once in awhile, and had a relationship while we were together" , "I don't see a future with you".
Words that pierce through her heart, forever kept as a rememberance to not trust and that love is not as magical as it is made up to be. It is a poison that darkens the heart and rips the soul out of your body. It forms a wound that cannot be mended, time may lessen the pain but the big empty gap remains forever.
