Jerk

"Morning?......"

I woke up in my bed thinking every thing that happened was some crazy dream. I started to get up and go to my bathroom to take a shower because I felt sweaty and ratchet. once I got some clothes to wear I went to the bathroom and undressed myself. I turned on the shower fouset and once I thought it was perfect I walked in the shower and did my daily shower routine.

30mins later~

I got out of the shower and put on the comfortable clothes I had found in my closet. Once I was done dressing I got out of the bathroom and got my phone off of my desk,then I left the room closing the door behind me. I went to the living room with my phone in my hand and checking my social media looks like some more hate comments great..... Just what I need. The sad thing is that I thought all the hate would leave after I left high school but I guess some people never change. I then looked at my emails to see if I I got anything back from the applications I gave to the collages I wanted to go to. But I didn't see any emails so I turned off my phone while I walk to the kitchen fridge to find something to eat. I then start to hear footsteps in the hallway that soon makes its way to the kitchen, the footsteps soon start to become louder as I feel the prensce of the thing or person in the room. "Good morning..." I familiar voice says as I turn around to see the person I thought the voice came from. It was.... Mark I just stood there with the fridge door still open as the cold air as I felt it touching my leg. "Morning?..." I replied to the slightly awake Mark seeing him there looked as though even if he does wear stage makeup he is still beautiful inside and out. He soon stood up and yawned and as he finished his short yawn I saw him smile. "Why are you looking at me like that..... Do I look bad?" Mark had said feeling a bit uncomfortable at my staring. "Oh... No you don't look bad.... I just thought that everything was a dream that's all....."
I replied feeing bad for staring at the idol for to long I bet he feels like that's the only reason why girls have a crush on him, but I don't feel that way at all I like him for reasons that I won't say at the moment. "I know I'm pretty but I don't like people staring.... Sorry for sounding rude though.." Mark said as he tried to find words that wouldn't make his comment sound rude, but I think he failed. I was about to say something but was interrupted by Mark "but you could use makeup your face really needs it, I don't even know why you like me we would NEVER happen!" Mark said while smirking at himself. I take it back he isn't beautiful at all he was a jerk it doesn't matter how much makeup you put on him he will always be this way I guess people can be deceiving or maybe it's what matter behind the camera. I felt a big lump go in my throat I was always called ugly every since I was nine I've had to deal with this,but I hate crying in front of people I hate their pity its not like they love me. I ran out of the kitchen leaving him their wondering where I was going.

I ran far away from my house to the forest that was near the beach I live at. I was headed for my tree "the hanging tree" it was where I had a noose hung around one of its thick branches I've been coming here ever since I was nine. The tree was a tree that was in the middle of all of the other trees. The tree made me feel like it felt my pain, like it was beautiful in the inside but every other "person" was better and beautiful and always thought of suicide like me. The tree was different the other trees were beautiful some oak some cherry blossom etc, the "hanging tree" was different it was a crying tree almost all of its branches were bent or looked like they were lifeless and its leaves were a lightish brown green, it also had cuts all around it trunk. It's were I wrote all of the things people called me ugly,fat,too skinny,boy,ratchet,B*tch, wh*re,useless,careless,lifeless,sucidal,emo,etc. I soon started to let go of all of my tears as I remembered what my life has become and what it could have been but. There was no use I was raised in an orphanage I never got to meet my parents, I was always getting adopted by the worst people they used me for either pleasure or abuse, I've given up I hated my life more than I hated this sinful world. "I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!" I cried but I knew no one would hear me they never did.

The saddest thing is the person I loved called me what everyone else did and judged me for it. I don't know why I loved him aren't things to good to be true? Who cares though I had NO ONE! no one lived me they just used me, why would I think he would love me?

I went to my "hidden rock" which was a rock that you would hide your key in but I didn't hide a key there I hide a blade, which had blood stains all over it even after washing it at least a hundred times the blood just stayed. I went under the "curtain" of the tree which was like a lit room from the sunlight that was peeking through. I pulled up my long sleeves and started to make so many cuts I counted 1...2...3..4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16.17.18.19 but soon I lost count and saw that my arms were just blood scattered with new and old cuts. I went to the tree trunk where I cut a little hole\drawer and got some things to wrap and clean my cut with. Once I was finished I put away everything in its correct place and just sat there and cried and cried. As I then hugged the tree and climbed up to the hung up noose I loosed it a bit and made a place for me to sit in. Once I felt like the pain was less numb, I got down and headed back to my house.

As I walked in my house I saw Mark on the couch with his beats plugged into his phone and on his ears listening to music. I just stood there and watched how he could sit there and not care where I was or how bad what he said hurt me. "Jerk!..." I said and headed to my room and dressed into a long sleeve short midnight blue dress. The dress went to a little above my knees,I put on long black sock that almost reached my knees and but on cute dark blueish vans.