No Control | Holding Me Ransom (Book 2)

29 - Two Steps Far From You

This is the second part of today's double update! If you haven't read Chapter 28 - One Step Closer please do! (And don't forget to vote for both!!)

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"I'm getting to it," he sighed. "I have to tell you everything in the order it happened, so you understand it all."

I stared at him and swallowed hard, wiping my palms on my trousers.

"There were paps outside the hotel when I got into the car. I knew then that Sara would have been papped too, and it would only be a matter of time before the story broke. I wanted to call you, but I was so fuckıng scared, Jess. You were the one person I needed right then, and you were the one person I couldn't call. I knew you'd be devastated. I can't even begin to explain how I was feeling. I've never, ever been unfaithful to anyone in my life. I had no intentions of ever being unfaithful to you. I honestly couldn't believe I'd done it."

He paused and took a deep breath, and I watched him, wondering why he was so upset by all of this when by his own admission he'd never been in love with me.

"I called Karen from the car, and told her everything. She couldn't believe it either. She literally yelled at me for five minutes solid. Not just about the drugs, but about being unfaithful to you. She asked me why I'd done it, but I didn't have an answer. By the time I came off the phone I was about to have a breakdown. I was sitting in the back of the car crying like a fųcking child. We got to the airport but my flight wasn't for several hours - we were really early because I'd just wanted to get out of the hotel. I sat in the private lounge literally in a daze. Karen called me back and said the photos would be on the Daily Mail any moment, along with the story, and she couldn't do anything about it because all they'd done was print the pictures of us hugging goodbye, and the pictures of us leaving the hotel. I knew I had to ring you before you saw the article, but I put it off - I knew once I made the call that would be it, you would be out of my life forever and I couldn't bear that thought. I couldn't even call Mum or Gemma because I couldn't face their disappointment, so I called Louis instead and told him everything. He was speechless, for about five seconds. Then he yelled at me for being a dıckhead, and yelled at me again when I said I had to confess everything to you. He said I could get away with it and say the paps made a story out of nothing, but I couldn't lie to you again, not about that. I had to face up to it, even though I knew you'd hate me and our relationship would be over."

I couldn't move, or speak, or think. I was transfixed by Harry and his story, and by the way he was talking about me; about us.

"Eventually I had to bite the bullet and call you," he continued. "You broke my heart Jess. I was expecting you to scream at me. But you didn't. You said -" He faltered, and blinked hard. "You said, 'I trust you, Harry.'"

His voice broke on the last word, and he put his head down and covered his eyes with one hand. I stayed frozen to the spot, staring at him, my heart pounding.

"You trusted me," he choked. "After everything I did, you'd seen the pictures and you trusted me anyway. That broke me."

"Yeah, well, I was wrong, wasn't I?" I said, finally finding my voice. "I was wrong to trust you."

"Yes," he nodded, his voice loaded with emotion. "You were. I should never have put myself in that situation. It was my fault, all of it. I brought it on myself."

"What are you talking about?" I snapped, suddenly becoming weary of these cryptic statements.

"It was a long chain of events," he sighed. "I'm getting there, just bear with me."

"Maybe I'm fed up of bearing with you!" I shouted, getting to my feet again and backing away from him. "You can't just turn up here and expect me to sit here and listen to all these cryptic clues, trying to make sense of all this! You do this every time, Harry!"