No Control | Holding Me Ransom (Book 2)

48 - A Whole Lot Of History

"Do you two want a brew?" Robin asked, poking his head into the lounge. "I'm just making one."

We both accepted, and a couple of minutes later he came through with two steaming mugs of Yorkshire tea. He left the room, closing the door behind him, and Harry looked at me.

"OK, soooo," he began nervously.

I smiled shyly. Why was this suddenly the most awkward thing ever? I didn't even know where to begin.

"How are you?" he asked, a faint smile playing on his lips.

"Fine thanks," I replied, going with the tone. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he teased.

Silence.

"Why is this so hard?" he sighed, and I couldn't help laughing out loud. "Not hard," he huffed, throwing a cushion at me. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"I'm sorry," I giggled, catching the cushion as my laughter subsided. "It's just really nice to be back on this page with you after everything. It's like it was when we first met."

"Yeah, that was pretty awesome," he smiled. "I almost feel like we've come in a full circle. But there's still this... elephant in the room."

"That's one way of referring to her," I snorted, and he gave a soft chuckle.

"Do you mean Sara, or Nadine?"

My heart lurched at the open mention of their names, and our faces were both instantly serious.

"Sara," I said softly. "Although weirdly I don't seem to hate her in the same way I used to. Whether that's because I'm moving on from it, or because I sort of feel like she was just as much of a victim as you were in all of it. Even though she knew you had a girlfriend."

I tried not to grit my teeth as I said this last part.

"Yeah, she did, but she only knew what Nadine told her, and I haven't a clue what that was. We didn't discuss it. I couldn't bear talking about you with her afterwards. I felt like I was cheating all over again. She didn't hang around. She said she would have liked to see me again, but when I set her straight she left, and she hasn't pursued it since. From what I knew of her beforehand, she was a decent girl. Not the type to wreck a relationship on purpose. It was up to me to say no that night, and ultimately I let you down."

I sighed and averted my eyes. I wanted to avoid pointing the finger, as I felt we were past that now.

"I know you're sick of hearing it, but Jess, I am so so so sorry for what I did," he pleaded. "If I could go back and change it, I would."

"I know," I said softly.

"I should have told you I was going to see Nadine in New York," he continued. "I should have told you about Louis becoming a dad, and the effect that was going to have on everything. I reacted badly to him when he told me, and I was ashamed to tell you about the things I said to him. I said some really horrible stuff. I hit him where it hurt. I made a comment about his vocal ability not being up to scratch. I insulted Briana, and called her easy and a gold digger. I called him out for flirting with you and wanting you, and told him you wouldn't look twice at him now he had baggage. I spoke to him like shit and dragged you into it, and I shouldn't have."

I stared at Harry with my mouth open, and he looked down at the floor.

"See, this is why I couldn't tell you sooner," he said, sadly. "I couldn't bear to see the look of disgust on your face, which I wholeheartedly deserve. Please don't hate me for the things I said. I regret them so deeply. I regretted them as soon as they were out of my mouth. I felt sick; I still feel sick, every time I think of what I said that day..."