The SASE Project ||Septiplier/Phan||

Chapter I || Surprise, You're All Gay Now!

"The who to the what now?" 

There is a brief silence as the three other students (seated besides the one who'd spoken) ask the same with their mouths closed.

"Hey, hey, hey... no need to get all loud." The principal raises an eyebrow; the vice principal follows suit hurriedly. "Mr McLoughlin."

"Mr McLoughlin" rolls his eyes, huffs, and folds his arms over his chest, tapping his signature gray cap against his left thigh. "But I wanna know." 

"We all do." The dark-haired fellow in the chair next to Mr McLoughlin's adjusts his glasses skeptically and clears his throat. "You do realize I'm supposed to be reviewing calculus proofs for a test tomorrow." His eyes widen pointedly with each italicized word. "You know, important stuff." 

"Yes, we get that, kid. But... this is a really important matter we're trying to discuss, and if you agree to follow through with it you might just get a nice fat A on that test of yours without even studying." The principals beam in unison. 

"We're not in trouble, are we?" one of the students asks, looking to the one besides him; they exchange glances. "Because I don't actually know these two guys. Whatever Dan and I did, we didn't mean to." 

"Dan" snorts. "Wow, Phil," he mutters, staring at the ground intensely. "Good job. That'll convince them for sure. 'We didn't mean to, Mr Hecox! Please, spare us of the dreaded detention!'" His voice goes high-pitched as he mocks his friend; his eyes roll irritably. 

"Oh, shut up," Phil chuckles, nudging Dan with the back of his hand. 

"See, they're already so gay it doesn't even matter," the vice principal mumbles to the man besides him, who coughs loudly through a thoughtful nod.

"What?" Dan snaps.

"This is so stupid," McLoughlin mutters.

"Settle down," Principal Hecox says in a slightly comical tone, waving his hands around in the air wildly (quite the opposite of what he has requested). "If everyone shuts up we'll get to the real point." He wiggles his nose; his thick lampshade mustache bobs up and down. 

Everyone shuts up. It's not that hard to, considering there's only four to do so.

"Ok." The vice principal drums his fingers together, elbows resting on his desk. "So. What our friend Sean here was asking before. Have any of you heard of the SASE Project?"

"My name's Jack, thanks," Sean McLoughlin says.

"No," everyone else says.

"SASE," Mr Hecox butts in, "stands for Students Achieving Social Equality." 

"That's lame," Sean McLoughlin proclaims loudly. 

The dark-haired fellow in the chair next to Sean's counts on his fingers. "Sase?" he inquires, doubtfully. 

"Yeah, they're still working on it," the principal admits. 

"This isn't some sort of weird social rights protest cult, is it?" Dan asks. He glances at his nails briefly. "Because ain't nobody got time for that." 

"I have other stuff," Sean continues. "Like sports. And... like, other clubs. And stuff. I'm a really busy lad, you see." 

"So am I." Dan fake-smiles. "Real busy. Very busy. Such busy. Much wow." 

"No you're not," Phil complains. 

"Guys, guys, settle down." Principal Hecox slams his hands down to the desk he and his partner are seated at, and the students jump. "How old are all of you?" He points at Sean, the farthest to the left.