Minnie cooked for one. She cleaned my room on the weekend, and washed only her clothes throughout the week. I thought she would be like a commercialized grandma. With rosey cheeks, and huge frames, that cooked masses of cookies like daddy promised. I thought she would call me sweet names like doll and dear. And would let me brush her thick brown hair, into rope like braids. She appeared like it at my mother's wake, and the first three months after we settled.
However, she treated my dad like he didn't exist and if she ever acknowledged his presence she spoke to him like he wasn't worthy of existing.
When I turned 14, Minnie gave my father a week's notice before his eviction. She flatly told him five years was enough time to have his loans together. I remember how bitter the words came out, but more importantly I remember how much she resembled mama. And I questioned our departure on account of my mother's death.
Minnie washed my clothes one last time, and emptied the cream colored drawers putting everything into grocery bags. She didn't speak to me while she raped my sheets and covers off the bed. She didn't speak to me when she scrubbed my floor with cleaning supplies to rid I was even their. She chose not to look at me when she filled a bag of toiletries that I may use, and handed it to me. I didn't grab it all at once though, I wanted to meet her eyes, I wanted to tell her goodbye. However, instead of noticing her eyes, I studied her hand. The bag shook in rhythm as her shriveled hand conducted. I then noticed her body, tense but shaking also. She put the bag down, and met my eyes. I realized how wet her lashes were, and how red her eyes had been. She didn't hug me or kiss my forehead, she didn't reach for my hand or whisper to be a good girl. She eyed me one last time, and then turned to walk away. And that's when it hit me, one could try to avoid reality. They could try to ignore the emotions connected with the pain. But emotions are the core of pain. You can never run from how you actually feel. It'll always be there.
