The Cost of a Mortal's Captivity | Loki

Nerd Stampede

I want to die. It's not that I want to just keel over, but since we're all going to die anyway, I promised myself something. When I die, it will not be merely because I have lived a full life and my time is up, but instead it will be because in the end, I was something extraordinary.  Because of this, my policy has always been that when I go down, I'm going to go down with a show. I know it sounds ridiculous, and truth be told, my story will probably end sooner because of it.  

If you want to understand my reasoning, think of it like this: in your favorite TV show, you have a favorite character. If that character dies while the show is still running, you'll be upset and maybe in future seasons let out a "This would've been so much better if so-and-so were still alive!" If they ride off into the sunset with a happily ever after then who cares? It all boils down to wanting to be remembered in the long run.

I suppose where this becomes a problem is at the Comic-Con in New York. There are nearly ten thousand people filling the halls, in an atomic explosion of geeks and nerds. After a long day of meshing, it's time to go home, and I can't say I'm too sad about it. 

Of all the Comic-Cons I've been to, this one has not been the best. To begin, I forgot that the panel I came to see was canceled. So, I went to see another one, and I spent the entirety of the time crushed by a sweaty, hairy guy in a Slave Leia cosplay who looked like he could devour thirteeen burritos in a minute. Judging from the way he smelled, it's possible he already had. 

Now that the day is finally over, there's a huge line to get out. Evidently, no one got the idea to leave before the rush, myself included. I'm somewhere toward the back of the crowd, waiting patiently, if a definition of "patience" is "endlessly pleading 'someone kill me now.'" To make matters worse, guess who just shoved his way in front of me: I'll give you a hint, he smells like Chipotle. "This is not how I want to die," I mumble under my breath before turning to the person behind me. "Hey, do you want to get ahead of me?" I offer.

As we're switching in line, a murmur begins to ripple through the crowd, with undertones of anxiety. Slowly, the murmur turns into words: "What's going on?" "The door's locked." "Someone locked us in!" What started as a murmur, soon turns to a rumble. "Let us out!" "Come on! I have work tomorrow!" "Where's my salt? I need to protect us from the demon!"

I have my own confusions, of course, but mostly I'm irritated to have to be stuck in this nightmare for who knows how long. I can't help but think to myself, You know, if push comes to shove, we could use Sumo-sized Slave Leias to break down the door... 

The volume of the crowd increases to a deafening roar, thundering with rage and panic. Then, without warning, the power goes out. A few people scream; I'm pretty sure one of them was Man-booburitto Leia. There's a click and the crowd goes silent, as a blinding light is suddenly shining directly into my eyes. I turn around to protect my eyes from melting out of my skull. As my eyes adjust, a figure comes into focus in the very center of the spotlight. 

My first thought is that this is some kind of show put together to impress all of the nerds at the end of the day. But, if that's so, they haven't picked a very popular character to address us. In fact, I don't recognize him from any merchandise, cosplay, or anything. And what is up with this guy's outfit? Is that, like, ten different types of leather in one suit? How many animals have to be slaughtered for the sake of your horrible fashion sense? Furthermore, what's the deal with the pointy, glowing sceptermajig? Is this the scythe of Death itself come to take me into its cold yet welcome embrace? Or have I simply passed out from Slave Leia's toxic fumes?

Hold on... Security guards are cornering him. One lunges at him, and in a swift, sudden gesture the guard has been impaled on his staff. My heart immediately jumps in my chest, as I realize that this is no show. All of the guards go at him at once only to be blasted back by a sudden wave of icy blue energy.