Ask For Alexis

6. The space between us is the only distance I can handle

ALEX'S POV

Books. Books. They're all I know. Days have been restless with no sleep and all-nighters. Midterms; what they do to you. So far, nothing has been on my mind but studying. And that's a relief, for a change.

It's Sunday evening, and my tests are all crammed into Monday. My nerves fail me as I think about Princeton and the perfect cumulative GPA they require.

Then you can be free of Richmond and everything it holds. You can renew yourself and become whoever you want to be.

You can fall in love because you'll be open to it.

I question my intentions, how much did I really know Collin? My feelings are probably insignificant compared to how much he loves Alexis Mead.

Except for how the lines of his smile are embedded in your memory, except for how his eyes sparkle when he talks about something he's passionate about, except for how he'll always do right by someone, regardless of who it is.

Oh, how I wish he were mine.

I lay on my bed; my hair spiraled around my head, wearing headphones while my iPod plays a song by Daughter.

But I am forever missing him.

The lyrics are an echo of my thoughts as I reflect on how someone so unattainable can be so pure hearted.

I think I hear my heart crack as my eyes shut and my brain wanders the realms of my dreams.

One day.

Monday morning is a clean slate from the dramatic memories I've ransacked. That was some heavy shit to contemplate before the midterms.

"Are you ready for this test?" Jones Parker asks me, a student I never speak to until exams come around. "Sure, are you?" "I'm a bit nervous. I pulled an all-nighter last night so I'm pretty beat." I smile sympathetically at him, at least he's trying. That definitely must get him a good grade. I surreptitiously look around for Collin as two minutes remain till the exam starts. The classroom is a zoo simulation as students run in and out of the classroom, making sure they've got the right answers, some of them writing down a few words on their wrists for clues, and some spreading rumors about a potential exam question. This gathers a minimum of six anxious students around the gossiper in particular, crossing their fingers they'll be tested on said question.

It's like there's no one else in the room when I see Collin walk in with notes in his hand, reading over them like he invented the course. In a hard tone, he asks me,"Lexy, where have you been hiding?" I am surprised but don't let it show. "I was studying." "Yeah, cause I wasn't." "Um, why are you being so pissy, Ross?" I ask with a frown and a smile at the same time; confused at his reaction. "Because you flaked out on me," his voice is stern as his eyes review the notes in front of them. He hasn't looked at me since he sat down. "Collin, stop." I didn't expect my voice to sound so irritated considering how well a job I'm trying to do in being his friend. He doesn't answer and before I breathe in to lash out at him Mrs. Swan walks in.

50 minutes of a mind numbing experience seizes over me as I rack every piece of information memorized for the past week. Did it have anything to do with New Media? Not as much as it had to do with Collin.

I feel so emotionally weighed down with nothing other than anger. There he goes, prancing around with Alexis Mead and when he feels like visiting the fat girl next door, she'll be by her bedroom window, visible through her invisibility only in his eyes.

Focus on the paper in front of you, not the guy behind you. Screw him!

Yeah right, all talk and no action, my foolish little heart.