Feelings Expressed

December 21, 2015

I'm scared of growing up. I wanna be a lost boy forever; not worrying about the future. My bubble of youthful naivety is growing weaker and weaker every second and I'm not ready to be found.

I want him in my arms. I wanna go to his house and just embrace him. I wish he'd notice me and that we talked more. He's a year younger so we don't have many classes, so I do't see us really having time together to form an actual relationship. We're barely acquaintances as it is, I really want more with him. I want to invite him for Christmas or Thanksgiving or New Year's. I want us to be close and intimate. I want him to be mine and I to be his. I want us to casually hang out and chill like we're meant to be together and that everything is fine in the world. I wanna kiss him and do a lot of other things with him like play video games or be in a domestic setting with him. 

I'm terrified of my first flags competition. 

I am really excited for Christmas but I'm kind of sad because I don't have a boyfriend to incite or something.

I feel like I'm longing for something but I don't really know what. Maybe it's the guy I have a crush on but I don't think that it's him. I think I'm looking for something deeper than that.

I really love Westmont. No matter what people say, I made a life for myself and this is the place where I really grew as a person. I may have lived in many different areas but Westmont is my home and I'm gonna be depressed when I have to move. This is the place where I made my first friends and I can't just abandon a place like this.

Thinking about college stresses me out so much. i don't know which college to choose and I feel really pressured to get all these scholarships and be the best, but I know that I'm not. I'm not perfect but everyone is pressuring me to be. I feel like I'm failing them every single time that i don't get a perfect.