A Very Sloppy Diary

September fifth

2am

Hello, my name is Celeste, and this is my first day of middlehighschool.

Wait.

High school. It's high school, and it's not even my first day yet. Well, technically it is because it's two in the morning. I'll go to sleep soon, I promise. Probably. Probably not.

My mom got me this diary thing so I wouldn't forget the key details of my life, or some bull like that. While I appreciate the effort, I'd rather get some Nyan Magic merch on my wall. But whatever. I have this thing about not letting paper go to waste, but let's not get into that right now.

I would say I hope to be that one kid with lots of friends, I don't know if that's actually the case? Being a loner and edgy and not basic appeals too, just because as a fandom I am built to resent the basics. They are the scum of the earth or something.

I just drooled on this paper. I should go to bed but no.

You know, I wish you were like Tom Riddle's diary. I'd like something to respond back without judgement, and possess me so I wouldn't have to experience school. But since this is the real world, that's simply not possible. Shame, that. 

On second thought, that would probably suck in multiple ways.

I'll write more about myself in the morning, I'm too tired for anything that makes sense. 

5pm

I made a fool out of myself on the first day. THE FIRST DAY. I am ashamed and baffled that I exist.

For some background, I moved from Jersey to here. I knew no one, and didn't make any effort to over the few weeks of summer that we were here. 

My mom signed me up for an art class, but I didn't really pay attention to anyone in it. I just kinda drew on the side, yaknow? There wasn't any reason to talk, or introduce myself, because at the time I thought it was only a dream, and we'd move back home soon.

I was confronted with harsh reality today. 

Luckily, this was a magnet school, so there were people from all over who didn't really know each other. In advisory, Ms.Johnson (I have not formed a solid opinion on her yet, but she seems to think we're younger than we actually are) made us sit in a circle and introduce ourselves. It was the usual name game. "Excellent Ellen." "Thabulous Thad." When it was my turn, I introduced myself as "Sinner Celeste", but everyone was trying to be cool, so I got a few weird looks. Things were building up inside me in an unbearable way, so after she handed out the trans-passes, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and have a breathing (trying to stop crying) exercise. 

My eyes were all red and stuffy when I came back, and people were looking at me as if I was a sick puppy.

And I'm not even going to mention my first class at the school ever, Algebra. Just, no.