Bite The Bullet

the beginning of the end

Describe myself. What others see? How I feel inside? I have no idea where to begin. Some see a popular, pretty, teenage girl. Others see a girl who is drowning. When I look at me... I see cuts, bruises, pain, grief. Anything but beauty.
I walk the halls of my highschool just like any other day, but something is different. I see one of my friends and walk over to her. Before I get the chance to say hi she starts ranting to me about her boyfriend and how horrible he is for not texting her back last night. Yay. More drama. Just what I need on this sucky day. I have no explanation for why this day sucks. It has barely begun. And yet, the creeping feeling of depression has cascaded with my whole body. I choke it down as I walk to my first class. I hear none of the lecture Mrs. Gibson gives on the french revolution. Not that it wasn't exciting. Mrs Gibson is a great teacher, she makes history come to life, But I can't focus today. I squirm in my seat as the last 5 minutes of class time wind down. The Bell rings finally. I grab my backpack and jump up. A huge mistake. I nearly fall over as I get up. Why... Oh I didn't eat breakfast this morning. This isn't uncommon for me, but I haven't eaten food in.. I honestly don't remember how long. My mom has been checking to make sure I have eaten meals recently, but its easy to lie and say that I have. She is at work when I wake up and too tired to care by dinner time.
I quickly recover before too many of my class mates can notice me almost falling over. The rest of the day is a blur. When I finally make it home I collapse on my bed. I fall asleep almost immediately and don't wake up until 1 a.m. this is the worst time for me. This is the time I hear the most voices in my head. This is when I lose all hope.