Chapter 1

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Look, I am a good kid. Really, I am. I just... don't always act like one.

It's not my fault I can't read very well. It's not my fault I can't sit still. It's not my fault I can't focus on one topic for too long. It's not my fault I have ADHD and dyslexia.

I mean, I probably could make some time to practice reading, and I probably could at least make some sort of attempt to remember to take my medications every day. But reading gives me a headache, and my medication makes me sleepy, which then makes me feel like a freaking zombie. I feel like it's way harder to learn when you're zombified than when you're ADHD and bipolar disorder kicks in.

* * *

My name is Ashika Hart, but my friend - and yes, I mean friend, as in singular - calls me Ash. My family consists of a dad and a pet rabbit. No mom. She left when I was younger, and no matter how many times I ask Dad about her, all he says is that she was a beautiful woman, and she loved me a lot, and she wanted to stay, but for some reason she had to leave.

As if, right?

My life is kinda... unreal, in a way. I mean, obviously it's real, but it reminds me of a really low-quality TV show, or a shitty sequel to an amazing movie. Like I said before, my mom left when I was younger, so it's only my dad. He's like a computer-programer, but instead of actually making the programs, he runs them to see if they work, and sometimes he goes to people's' homes and fixes up their computers when they don't work. He makes pretty good pay, but since he's a single-parent it's hard for us to make the bill sometimes. I mean, we're not poor, but we only have, like, three TV stations and the only reason why I have the phone I have is because it's my dad's old smartphone. It's a Samsung Galaxy S4, the battery only holds half the charge it's supposed to, and the camera is shitty. But I guess I can't really complain, considering I'm lucky I even have a phone at all.

Because of my ADHD and my tendency to, uh, not follow directions, we've hopped around from school to school all over the country. There was that big, fancy boarding school in Washington state that I was expelled from because I accidentally made explode in a little test tube in the science lab, and everyone had to evacuate the school for a week (not my fault, and I think I would consider that a blessing). There was that regular public school in Florida that we left because I had 'failed' sixth grade math (not my fault). Then there was that one school I had gone to in Iowa, but I got expelled because I had nailed some guy right where it counts (my fault but totally worth it). Finally, we settled on a public school here in Little Town, New York (no joke, that's seriously what the town is called), because the tuition is free and the school is kind of low-quality so everything is really cheap. Plus, when I got there freshman year I had actually made a friend that was worth staying for, so I managed to stay out of trouble.

Okay, it's not just me, right? That totally sounds like a really bad TV series or sequel or something. I swear.
Anyway, I think you get the point. My life is a little unreal. At the moment, the real-est thing about my life is seventh period algebra. You know what 'algebra' means? It means 'torture to those with dyslexia'. Well, okay, it probably doesn't actually mean that, but it's a pretty close guess, I think.

It's hard enough keeping track of only numbers and signs and symbols. How am I supposed to figure out x when I can't even separate the numbers from the letters?

I swear I'm trying to stay awake, but attempting to figure out what is what for every equation is really hard - especially when you didn't get more than an hour of sleep the night before trying to figure out the homework.

My eyes flutter shut, but I force them open and turn my gaze towards the clock. Although the actual numbers on the face float around whenever I look at one, I can estimate the time pretty well. Looks like there's only about ten minutes left of class. I can stay awake that long, right?

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⏰ Last updated: Dec 22, 2015 ⏰

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