ziam mayne »» one shots

Whiskey Suits

                  

The sun shined in bright streaks across the dark oak floors, slowly starting to creep its way up the bed, illuminating the white sheets and blankets. It was unusually nice out for being the end of March. Liam groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force the light away as he buried himself deeper into the plush pillows. His head throbbed and his heart ached; he just wanted to escape back into his dreams, to run away from the pain he felt... To run away to Zayn.

Zayn... His stomach lurched at the thought of the boy. Whether from butterflies or grief, he couldn't tell. It's only been four days since it had been announced that he was leaving the band, although all of the boys had known about it beforehand. Liam just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that it was reality now. He remembered the nights he had stayed up with Zayn, practically begging him to stay with him, but in the end he knew that nothing would be able to change the boy's mind. He could see how much pain it had caused him to come to this decision, he could see how hard it was for him to leave them.

"Li..."

Zayn started as he placed a hand on Liam's knee, who was on the verge of tears after yet another attempt of trying to change his mind. Zayn smiled sadly at Liam and opened his arms for the boy to crawl into. Liam... His Liam. Liam, who typically looked so strong and brave, but looked so small and fragile in this very moment. Zayn squeezed his arms around the boy while he spoke. 

"Liam," Zayn said again, "Baby... Sweetheart, please... Please. "

He began stroking the boy's hair while he spoke, planting kisses all across his head while he rocked him in his lap.

"I just can't... I can't handle all of this anymore. The constant spotlight. Having to calculate my every move. And having to pretend you're nothing more than a band mate?" Zayn let out a shaky breath he didn't realize he'd been holding and continued, "That's the worst of all of it. I can't do it anymore, baby. I want you. I want there to be a possibility of us. And this? This isn't it. Secret encounters behind closed curtains, lingering touches between sets when all I want to do it take you into my arms and squeeze the hell out of you... I just... Can't."

Zayn bit his lip, the shaking boy in his arms slowly starting to calm while he listened to him speak. Zayn whispered quietly, leaning down to nuzzle into the boy's neck,

"And I am so sorry I can't make myself want this. You deserve so much more than what I'm giving you."

Liam shook his head, trying to shake the memory out. That had been the last encounter he had with Zayn before everything happened, the last time they were just able to be themselves together. Zayn had talked about maybe flying home to gather himself and escape the backlash after the announcement, which Liam couldn't blame him for. But, that didn't change the fact that he wished he was still there with him. He just wanted to know where he was and if he was okay. Liam had been nursing a bottle of whiskey for the past few nights, begging for something to numb him- to make him forget, even just for a little bit. He was pissed and he was hurt and he just wanted Zayn to hold him.

When he realized that falling back asleep would be impossible, he sat up in bed, rubbing his puffy eyes from the night before. He reached over on his nightstand to grab his phone, typing Zayn's name into the new message box.

His fingers hesitated on the keyboard, chewing on his bottom lip while he thought of what he could say. They hadn't spoken much since the announcement had hit. What could he even say? That he was pissed that he hadn't reached out to him since he left? That he felt like some fling after everything they promised to each other? That he missed the fuck out of him. He sighed and began typing.