Phan One Shots

Fluid

1:54am. It's a windy, dreary cold November night. Or morning, if you're looking at it that way. Dan lies awake, looking at the blank ceiling, thinking. Overthinking. Despite being spread comfortably on the bed, their heart is pounding. It's a dysphoria night. The worst kind of nights, one in which Dan will not get sleep. Phil will ask the next morning over their daily cereal and anime why they keep yawning and Dan will just shrug, unable to explain. They can't seem to find the words to tell Phil.
Dan suddenly bolts out of bed, tip toeing quickly to the mirror. They look, scrutinizing every inch of their body. My chest is too flat and my body is too wide. I don't have curves, I'm like a box. Dan thinks. Phil could never love me if he knew. I'd seem like a freak, an oddity. Something unlovable, untouchable, unkissable. I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore. Dan can't help these intrusive thoughts. They've had them ever since they realized they were genderfluid.
They want to do something to fix this, and in a moment of boldness and maybe a little stupidity, they rush as quietly as possible out of the house. Despite it being 2:03am, there's quite of a lot of people bustling around London. Dan walks in the blistering cold, wind blowing their hair into a spiked almost quiff, to the 24 hour Boots. They push the door open as quietly as possible, flinching as the bell overhead chimes. In a moment of caution Dan pulls the hood of their jacket up. They make their way slowly to the cosmetics aisle, overwhelmed immediately by the array of products. How the hell do girls do this? Dan wonders. How the hell will I do this?
Dan has seen a fair amount of beauty videos and they know from Louise that foundation, concealer, and powder are a makeup thing. So that's what they grab first. And then a blusher, and bronzer. Eyeliner. Mascara. Finally, Dan chooses a bright red lipstick, and it's all in their basket. They amble down the clothing rack that Boots always has in the open. Dan sees a relatively cheap floral dress and as discreetly as possible stows it in the basket. They think they're finished, that a dress and makeup is satisfactory, but then the underwear catches their eye. Lace panties and bras are enticing to Dan. So they pick a small bra and a large pair of panties and shove them to the bottom of the basket. They run to the checkout, not making eye contact with the cashier, who must be incredibly weirded out by the seemingly adult male buying makeup, underwear, and a dress at 2:26 am.
With the plastic Boots bag in hand, Dan strides home swiftly, bolting up the stairs and unlocking the door. As the door shuts with a click they flinch, hoping to god it didn't wake Phil. Snaking quietly along the hallways to their bedroom, Dan pushes open their door and steps inside. They let out a breath and go to their bed, dumping the products out hurriedly. Dan undresses, pulling off their shirt, sweatpants, and boxers. With a pounding heart and anxious breathing they pull on the panties, sighing in relief they fit over their bulge.
Next the bra. Dan isn't having as much luck with this one. Disappointed, they flop back on their bed. Then the idea strikes them. Socks. Stuff the bra with socks. Dan shoots up and races to their drawer, pulling out two pairs of socks and using one each to make the cups full. Dan takes the dress and looks at it. It's really very pretty. A solid black with pink flowers printed on it. It would fall to about Dan's knees. They slip the dress up and the straps over their shoulders. The skirt feels nice and as they flit about their room the fabric swishes against their legs.
Dan decides to take a risk and go to the bathroom to try the makeup. They check the time quickly. 2:41am. Then, trying not to make too much noise, they go to the bathroom with the makeup. Dan had seen makeup applied many times watching Louise and Zoe's videos so they kind of already know how. First the foundation, then the concealer under the eyes. Powder on that. Bronzer and blush next. Even this, just the skin, makes Dan's heart swell with happiness. I look so feminine right now. I look like a girl. The thought is amazing.
Continuing on, Dan does something he's seen Zoe do before and uses the bronzer as eyeshadow. And then the eyeliner. Goddamn stuff. Dan couldn't seem to get the wings to match and the end result wasn't quite how they'd envisioned it. But it wasn't terrible. Mascara goes on quickly. And then the lipstick. Applying very, very meticulously, Dan makes their lips bright red. When they're done, still holding the lipstick, they look at themself.
The dress fits...somewhat. Not quite like Dan hoped. They don't have curves for it to cling to or cleavage for them to flaunt. The dress does however make them feel less dysphoric. And Dan can feel the lace underwear resting on their hips and it makes them smile. For once in their life they look how they want on a girly day. Dan goes to place the lipstick back on the counter but they accidentally knock all the makeup off the counter.
"Shit shit shit shit shit." Dan mumbles, hoping Phil's heavy sleeper status holds true. Then they hears footsteps. The door from Phil's room into the hallway opens.
"Dan?" Phil mutters into the darkness. Slam. Dan yanks the bathroom door shut and locks it quickly, heart beating wildly. "Dan?!" Phil exclaims again. Phil pounds on the door. "Dan what's going on?"
"I'm fine, Phil," Dan manages out. "Go back to sleep." Dan feels tears on their cheeks. I was so stupid I should've been more careful.
"Dan you're obviously not fine let me in." Phil insists. Dan says nothing. "Fine I'll just have to go get the master key." Phil replies. Dan freaks out. He'll come in here and then he'll know he'll know everything! Dan thinks internally. The next two minutes snail by painfully. And then Dan hears the lock click and the door is suddenly open and Phil sees. He sees Dan sprawled on the floor, makeup streaking their face, dress rumpled.
And Phil just rushes over to them and pulls them into a hug.
"Hey don't cry." Phil whispers softly, gently stroking through Dan's hair. He kisses Dan's head gingerly and continues comforting them. "I love you bear, I love you so much."
"I'm so sorry Phil I didn't want this to happen." Dan chokes out between sobs.
"Don't apologize for any of this." Phil says firmly. "Would you mind explaining it to me, just so I know how you got to this point?" Dan sniffles and sits up, looking at Phil's crystalline blue eyes.
"I-I couldn't sleep and I went to Boots and bought all this shit," Dan starts. "and I accidentally knocked it all off the counter and then you heard and came in and now I'm a blubbering mess."
"Why did you buy all this stuff love?" Phil asks tentatively.
Dan inhales sharply and promptly blurts out, "I'm genderfluid!" Phil isn't confused or horrified.
"Okay." He says calmly. "That makes sense. What name and pronouns do you want?" Dan is in shock.
"D-Dan is still okay for my name." They stutter out. "And they them pronouns please." Phil nods contentedly, pulling Dan close again.
"I'm assuming you're feeling girly this three am." Phil states.
Dan chuckles a little. "Yeah, I am."
Phil kisses their cheek and whispers, "You're so beautiful." Dan blushes. "I'm so lucky to have someone as pretty as you be mine."
"I love you Phil. Thank you so much for everything." Dan murmurs.
"I love you too bear." Phil replies. "No matter what gender you are."

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A/N- This is the fic I had beta read!! Never doing that again!

There's not enough fluid!dan in the world and I needed to create some. Also disclaimer I am not genderfluid myself, I am graygender, but I have friends who identify with the term genderfluid/genderqueer and I know what it's like personally to be outside the binary. So yes, I know my stuff.

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