nia (and other things that glow)
lately i've found myself believing in the principle that everything happens for a reason.
i've tripped and stumbled through this thing called young adult hood
disappointed the same people too many times
made them proud through sporadic bursts of "hey lets do this now"
i guess that's just me.
one of the best accidental things in my life came from me making a wattpad account in the start of 2014.
in the beginning i, afraid of my mom finding out i made an account without asking her, didn't do much of anything.
i read crappy harry styles fanfiction and eventually wrote my own.
i idolized white feminist girls with potatoes or taylor swift in their profile picture
because that's what wattpad was.
it was a place where naive girls, and the occasional more than slightly predatory boy, gathered and ranted about how john green had released a book or how a then young luke hemmings pierced his lip.
i would've probably left this ever changing site if things were still the same
but this isn't even about me
this is about so much more.
either in early 2015 or late 2014 i became emerged in the most electric group of youth.
there were girls, boys, none of the aboves, and all of the aboves. and all of them of all different sexualities and backgrounds.
we grew together, questioning every bit and piece of ourselves and discovering our own opinions and values.
all of us logged in with different levels of privledge and baggage.
through jokes and caps lock we managed to find something in each other that i don't know that i've found anywhere else.
a true sense of community developed in our corner of the internet.
it didn't matter if you talked to someone every day, or once a month, or hey maybe you only voted on their book that one time. it wasn't about that. it was about knowing that they were there.
i feel like it was another accident that almost all of us had listened to a certain band at some point in their life.
until recently i hadn't considered the fact that that we might've not come together had it not been for them, but i know we are so much more than the obnoxious teenage fans were made out to be
and when the people that work at wattpad look at what they accomplished this year they won't say we brought a couple hundred people together that may've not had anyone else
they'll talk about numbers on a board that we've already forgotten.
maybe when we're older and the last of us have lost touch we won't remember what it was really about.
i wonder if i'll remember who i was at fourteen and how the people i've found on this website curated that
i wonder if that girl who wrote me a story still writes poetry
if the one that texted me at eight am that one saturday will ever think of me in the same way
god what is kenadi doing what is rommielle doing
who will get a boy friend and who will get a girlfriend who will find neither
i wonder if i'll ever really be happy and if the boy who's book i just commented will be too
god and how many of us are going graduate highschool
or college
...
i clearly don't know a lot of things
but here's what i do know
i do now that nia will grab onto to her yellow kite dreams and never let go.
she'll go places, that one, it's not even up for discussion.
she will leave and pop the bubble.
the day after it happens i will wake up, respond to any messages i have, cram in a couple of minutes of studying, and then walk to the bathroom
i will go on, everyone will, that's what life's about.
but it won't be the same.
and i don't think it ever is.
-
this is a lot of words that simply mean 'thank you'. thank you to every one that i've met on here in the past year.
thank you to nia. not only for the amazing, a lot of the time educational, content that she's contributed to this website. but also for the truly special energy that she brings to it every day. (i love you a lot !!)
AND YOU'RE A TEENAGER NOW WHAT
IM SORRY IF THIS WAS BAD OR WEIRD TO BE HONEST I WAS TEARING UP THROUGH A LOT OF THIS WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE YOURE SWITCHING SCHOOLS OR LEAVING TOWN OH MY GOD
signed,
an emo, at times nostalgic egg
