"So you're really going to do this?" Tommy asks rubbing his forehead.
"Yeah, I don't want to put Chris's parents through the embarrassment, or catch their scorn." Jen leans on the boardwalk wall and stares out into the ocean.
"They won't ever find out about it." Exasperated he puffs away on his cigarette.
"Come on Tommy, a lot of people know I slept with him that night, and you said yourself his parents are real bible thumpers, I doubt they want people to know their son got some girl pregnant out of wedlock." Jen shrugs dinking her water. "I'll send them a letter explaining the situation, and leave the rest up to them."
"Jesus." Tommy flops over the wall. "I know, I know, it's just..." He drops his cigarette in the sand and sighs. "I know his parents aren't going to be happy about the news, and I doubt that they'll even consider helping you, but you deserve some help, I mean your parents..."
"You mean my alcoholic father and his skank wife." Jen cuts him off. "You want to know what she said to me when she found out." Jen clenched her hands around her cup "She said just get an abortion, its better than raising some dead kids bastard."
"What a bitch."
"Yeah, I'm just glad mommy left me enough money to live on for a couple years before she passed." Jen starts drawing patterns on the cement wall with her finger. They stood in silence just staring at the water as the sun drops lower.
"You know I feel guilty sometimes." Jen whispers.
"About the accident?" Tommy asks confused.
"No, I didn't really know Chris, I mean we've gone to school together since middle school and all I knew was his name. I didn't love him." Jen slumps forward sniffling. "What am I supposed to tell my baby I slept with its father once, I never loved him."
"Hey now." Tommy wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You don't know what might have happened had Chris lived. You could have fallen in love with him; it's nothing to be guilty over, that you didn't have enough time to feel something more for him." Tommy's voice had a noticeable hitch when he mentioned Chris.
"I just I feel like..." Jen searched for the words to express her utter despair and torment. Not loving Chris almost seemed like a sin, like she was degrading his very existence by not being able to conjure up feelings for him.
"Do you regret that night?" Tommy asks startling her.
"No, it was beautiful."
"Then nothing else matters, you had his last few hours, and you should treasure them. You both felt something, if it wasn't love exactly it was pretty damned close." Tommy turned her back towards their cars. "And now you can love his child, give it everything you couldn't give Chris."
"Thanks Tommy." Jen kisses his cheek. "You are probably the closest thing I've ever had to a friend."
"I am your friend, and I always will be." He hugs her tight before hoping into his car. "Good luck tomorrow, I'll call you."
"Before seven okay, I start work at eight."
"Got it." Tommy waves as he pulls out of the parking lot. Jen gets in her van and stares at the wheel. She really was going to need luck for tomorrow, and a lot of courage.
