Family Bonds

Chapter 16, Episode 2

The next morning when Bert rose and walked unsteadily into the kitchen, Jane at first refused to speak. When he finally pried out of her what she had learned about her mother, he shuffled into her bedroom, retrieved the diary and read the passages. White-faced, he murmured to himself, unintelligible sighs that Jane took to mean he felt as she did.

"I had no idea. She never told me about him."

"That means we're related."

Bert draped an arm around her shoulder. "I know." He cleared his throat once, twice. "I guess you're old enough to know about what happened—the first time, and later."

His hands were so warm when he covered her ice-cold ones. "Your mother, she wasn't like you. You've always been strong, not afraid to stand up for yourself. She was weak. What happened to her, when she was thirteen... how could it not haunt her? She never told me who your father was. When your mother was down in the dumps, she'd go to the bar, to be by herself. I know that man took advantage of her at that party. Maybe he didn't plan it, but it must have happened that way. I can't believe she would have let him touch her otherwise."

"But she had Will."

"Not then. After she stayed with your Aunt Flo. Will tried to be a good father to you, but he wasn't the best provider. He never worked regular and what he made didn't go very far. I don't know if he suspected how she got pregnant, if she ever told him. But he loved her." Bert rubbed Jane's hands. "And Will adored you. You have to know that."

She wept silently, afraid to look at Bert, unable to move.

He pulled her into his arms and held her. "Let it out, honey. Just let it go."

Her sobs drowned out whatever else he said as she wept.

"You—" She hiccupped. "You knew, but you never turned your back on her."

"I didn't know the details. I loved her, too, Jane. The best I could do was get her to talk to me ... you know, after she came back, with you and Will. My big mistake was in not asking her to marry me when I had the chance—before she left town. After that god-awful party. Will got a job at the lumberyard. Why they came back. She bought the duplex with money she inherited after her folks passed, to make sure she'd have a roof over your head. Her moving back was God's gift to me. She was the prettiest thing. But she said I was too old for her, ten years too old, she kept telling me. So we stayed friends."

He sighed. "I tried to forget her when she left, took a job in Oregon, but I didn't like it, so I moved back. When the other side of the duplex came up for rent, I saw the ad and called. I didn't know it was her until I heard her voice. God's gift, it was, that she let me rent it. Not that I was going to do anything to break up her and Will, but at least I could be close. I was happy for her when she seemed happy. When she wasn't, I talked to her. Helped Will take care of you. She knew I never judged her. I begged her not to go the bars when she got to feeling bad, but she went anyway. To try to forget. I don't know why Will didn't stop her. Maybe he tried. All I know is he loved you so much, Will did. You were lucky to have a father like him."

She looked up at him. "But he wasn't my real father."

Bert gathered her in his arms and rocked her as she wept again, crying for her mother, for herself, for what she had learned and what it now meant.

"I didn't know who it was until now—after reading that little book. If I had, I never would have let you go out with that boy. What are you going to do?"

"I thought we had a future ... together, but not ... not now." She began pacing, trying not to cry again. Her heart ached, almost as much as her ribs and her throat.