Crossroads: Path Between Love and Lust

Chapter 1: End and Beginning Meets

Being in a relationship that is now ending after 3 years is taking a toll on me. The woman whom I once was engaged to is never coming back but the oldies have always said "never say never."

I broke Lust heart by telling another female, which was my past best friend whom I fell in love with, that everything I was doing was temporary, including my relationship with Lust. She decided that since our relationship was temporary we should go our separate ways and be done with one another for good. Never did I want to leave Lust and be with someone else but the way that night unfolded, I had no choice but to let the person I was in love with walk out my life. I could have stopped and forced her to stay and talk about it. But being awakened from a deep sleep because the vibration and ring-tone from my personal phone was aggravating her, anger filled my mind. Plenty of times in the past this has happened due to trust issues Lust had towards me. Majority of the time it backed fired on her and all she could say is sorry. Never did I have a passcode on my phone because I believe I had nothing to hide. I ended up setting a passcode to my phone because Lust constantly tried to be sneaky and find things to be mad about. Even when the relationship was at its apex. Blinded by love lead me to forgive time and time, but this particular night I decided enough was enough. As she began to throw stuff and shout threats, I stood there still in shock that I unlocked my phone knowing the messages of my best friend and I was still in there. I got caught red-handed. Being a very emotionless person just added fuel to the fire. Lust continued to argue but at that moment I felt that the best medicine for this headache argument was "The Silent Treatment". That just made everything worse than what it was.

I apologize days later that what I said was wrong, because she did not deserve those hurtful words I told my best friend; also, earlier that day she opened up on how I was her true best friend and that she cannot live life without me. I never felt so stupid in my life. Contemplating on how I will live life without her ran through my head like Olympic track trials. Eventually, my "sorry's and bae I want you back's" was not enough to get her back.

Four months have gone by and Lust still does not want to associate herself with me despite all of the "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again or hurt you." Her repeated answer to me was "Let me work on myself before I decided to take you back" and I simultaneously agreed with her until I realized that her saying just meant "Let me do me and I'll decide if I want you after I am finish". This whole time I thought she was actually still only talking to me and working on herself. I misinterpreted what she really was telling me. Again, blinded by love struck me. Since she still loved me she never wanted to tell me that she conversed with other people. She was scared of how I would react and might end up losing me. That day she did.

There was always females that wanted to converse with me but I always got the response that I am still in love and for that reason, I was giving dry conversations. Mourning over my past relationship just drove other females away until one night I decided to like a "To Be Honest" picture off the social media site, Instagram. Her name was wildfire and everything about that name caught my attention. I had to make her notice me also. I started liking almost every picture she had because her beauty and how she carried herself was so appealing to me. I always believed "Love at first site" was nothing but a fictional saying. But once she gave me a TBH and said she find me very attractive, I could not help but think that this is the Beginning of my next love.