Crossroads: Path Between Love and Lust

Chapter 2: Karma Strikes Back

Between the months of meeting wildfire....

After Lust and I "break up" we still continued to converse. Text messages between us were still consistent and heartfelt. I took the moment as a "we're on a break from being together instead of an actual break up." Late-night conversations about everything lead our feelings for one another to barged right back in as if there never was a relationship-ending argument. From saying how much we miss one another to screenshots of our faithfulness with people that we associated with, lead me to believe that there was hope of getting back together. Also, the devotional sexual drive between us was so far fetched that we couldn't wait to see each other again. Lust was just getting back from her army trip in California and I just had to see her. The moment she walked through my door I grabbed her. Making our way to the room I started kissing her lips and sucking her neck. Her moan just made me want her more and more every step it took to get to my bed. While biting her with the softest touch as I ease my way down to her inner thighs; looking in her eyes and telling her how much I miss and still love her all was images playing throughout my head once I knew she was back in Louisiana.

Between work and living three hours away, physical appearance was all I needed to get her back. Being the person I am, lead me to test the faithfulness she claimed she had. I also wanted to know if everything we been talking about on the phone was true and not just a night call. So I tested her. Since she still had belongings in my house from us staying together, I knew that was my way of getting her to come out here. After two weeks she finally had time to come for only a day. The clocked showed nine in the morning when I received a text saying "I'm outside." The thoughts I had in my mind were still roaming but I did not want to react as fast and make the whole day awkward, especially if that's not what she wanted from me at the time. Unfortunately, none of it happen but I was still happy because she brought me food.

While at the table eating , we basically recapped on everything we talked about when she was away in Cali. Apologizing, thinking and clowning about our past arguments made the day go by fast as I helped her pack what she had left. Her phone began ringing close by me and as I handed her the phone she declined it with a disgusting look on her face blurting out "ughhhh." Same person called back at least 4 times within five minutes. I just so happened to glance and see a dude name with emojis behind it. I had no choice but to ask because I had a jealous type feeling. In order for her to not get suspicious of my jealousness, I ask the question as if I was joking but really in my mind I was mad she had a dude calling her various times.
She replied and said, "Oh, that's nobody. He just somebody I meet at a party and always trying to talk on the phone."
I brushed it off for awhile until a few minutes later when he called again and she was in the bathroom fixing her hair. Being the person I am, shit I answered it.
Dude said, "hello"
I said "what's good son, who you looking for."
He replied, "let me speak to Lust" as if I really was going to give her the phone. In my mind, I'm thinking that back when Lust was in Cali she did say sometimes she get on the phone with others but their conversations be dry; so I handed her the phone on speaker telling her to say hello.
Dude said, "Damn you with another nigga acting bad declining my calls like I didn't just fucked you a few weeks ago."
She quickly took it off speaker and yell to the dude, "stop playing with me I did not fuck you, stop calling my phone, now bye, you blocked bitch."
All I could say was "Damn!"

Lost for words, I didn't know what should come out my mouth or should I just kick her ass out my bathroom and house. I felt karma was doing her dirty work from the things I had did and said to Lust. I was so heated but I played it as cool as three day old fish grease. I started asking questions as if I was interested in the conversation that just went down.
I said, "Damn girl you got dude mad about something, huh?"
She replied, "Dude just mad because every time he hit me up since I got back I been ignoring him."
I left it at that and calmed down because I actually believed her. She never lied to me before so I believed she wouldn't lie this time. The convo still sat at the back of my mind. The little devil and angel was basically on my shoulder having an argument telling me what should I do and should not do. I had no right to be mad at her because even if her and Dude did something, we are not together. I just came to the conclusion that this situation only gave me a reason to want to get back with her anymore.

Trying to forget Lust as if I never met her was harder than balancing a washer on a pebble. I tried everything. I blocked her off all social sites to not see her face or statuses. She had already had me blocked on the phone already because I eventually brought the situation up again and she got mad. Bird, a girl whom I meet through a college friend, was slowly helping me focus my eyes and attention elsewhere.
For about a three months strong I was the most cold hearted person ever. My feelings never showed towards any female I talk to but my girl best-friend, Bird; she was basically everything I was looking for in life. Her personality, her mindset, her future, basically made me catch feelings all over again. Bird and I talked about everything. From future goals to past relationships, to my relationship with God, experiences we had so far in life; basically you get the picture that we talked about it all. We laughed and joke everyday, and the crazy thing is, Bird was five hours behind central time-zone. I honestly knew in my mind that she would perfectly fit the missing puzzle piece in my life.

At this point in time my heart in so many different places I don't know what path I wanna risk my feelings towards. Bird was so in tune with her future and where she wanted to be in life, including whom she wanted to be with. Lust just want to "work on herself" and not be associated with me but our history together deep. And Wildfire, the interest I had for her after the TBH elevated because she was attracted to me just as much as I was attracted to her. I was seeking for someone that made me feel wanted and that's what she was doing. I just had an instant connection with her that made me want to know everything about her. Why she was single, Who recently broke her heart, is she willing to start over, what's her values in life were all questions I needed to ask. I had a million more questions for her and she would later go on and answer them.