The Question?-A Short Story

The Question?

"So how much do i need you?",i asked the doctor who was sitting opposite me.We were in his counselling room,everything was in order and looked quite normal for any formal room but it was poorly lit and the light was not too bright.The day was gloomy with no sun.I couldn't even make out his face properly,it was in the dark and not too visible.The table was empty,not a thing was on top of it.He didn't speak or ask anything much,actually he doesn't open his mouth at all.The words come from the dark shadow where he is sitting.He isn't much,but he is the only one whom i hope could help me.The place was silent except for the echo beep sound that goes off in my head often,God it gives me headaches.

"Its not my answer thats needed,its yours that matters.You make the decision,i'm merely just here to help you with the choice you make.Whatever you choose,i show you the way".This was his reply to the question i asked.To be honest,i was puzzled.I didn't understand his reply maybe its the way i look at him.

I asked him,"so,how do you help me decide"?
He replied,"if you need my help,tell me everything,i will help you make the right choice."

I was confused by his words,but i wished to tell him everything,not because he asked me to,just because i was sure that he can help me.With the rhythm of the echo sound in my head,i remembered something...

I have this medical condition,where i don't remember the beginning or the end of a memory.It all starts in the middle.I don't remember since when i have this condition obviously.Its all like a torn page from a book,and i have tons of torn pages in my mind which i don't know the page numbers.The condition causes many symptoms like hallucinations,anxiety,insomnia and depression to be least.
But this is a fact that the doctor already knew.The things that he wanted to know now is why i'm here before him.He wanted to know the consequences it caused in my life that lead me here.Deeper with the echo sound....

It all started with my wife,i don't remember marrying her.I just remember her name that is melissa and that we are already married and i just found out she is cheating on me,thats where the memory of my marriage starts,in the heart of an infedity.I can't even remember her face.

Letting go seems easy,but i can't hide the fact that she is missing.She literally vanished in thin air i suppose.I have to find out about a wife i had before the tables turned on me.But to find out about that,i need the only person who can help,the person she cheated me for.Its not because i love her deep,killing her would be like punching pillows,gives you back nothing.You won't have the guilt feel that you brought a multi bedroom apartment with her,when you certainly miss your lonely days back in your lonely room when you were alone.I didn't want to do anything to her,i just want to burn the torn pages about her.Everytime i think back,the echo sound continues and plays in my head as a little sympony of mine,i hope it stops.

I can't remember any friends,doctor.

I said.

Try to remember the parts that still make sense in your head,he told.

And i tried to do as he said.

Beep......beep......beep.....an unavoidable echo sound fades through

I needed clues but didn't have one.

So i checked where likely i would find one,my pockets.Everything was the usual things like keys,coins but there was also a paper.It wasn't any ordinary one,it was a prescriber bill for some sleeping drug,sedatives.

Maybe i killed her,overdose'd her with the sedative pills.i went back to the kitchen,and found a empty cup stained with the remainings of a coffee,but there was only one cup.It intruged my sense and made me more guilty.perhaps i did it all along.Dose'd her in her coffee.

But still something was missing,the pills....

Where is the last piece of evidence?,i asked myself.

Thsts when the beep echo sound got louder and faster,i almost fainted.

I closed my eyes,felt just woken from my sleep.I can't make sense of the place i was in.

It was the office of the doctor,i now understood that i never left for the kitchen,the only proof for that,i can't remember how i got there.I searched and found a stained cup but before that i was in this office.It was evident that my condition is getting worsen.

The doctor before i could tell him whats been going on said "maybe you should look at the bright side"...you are sure that you never found the body making it clear in your case that maybe that coffee cup was yours.

I didn't have a word for that.

But i sure as hell know i hate coffee.

So the pill?,i asked myself.

I think its about time you realise ,said the doctor.

Suddenly the gloomy day brightened up,the sun started to come out and the room slowly lit up.

The doctors shadow from the dark slowly made sense in the light.The shadow was not of a doctor nor a man.

It was of the bottle of pills.

I have been talking all day with a bottle of sedative drugs and the advices it gave me were from my own damn mind,i was hearing what i wanted to hear.As the room lit up slowly,everything brightened.

It was'nt an office but my old lonely room when i was single,of course i found my double bedroom apartment,it was hanging on my wall in a painting.

Perhaps this was all a hallucination,i thought.

Yes it is,came a reply from the pill bottle or so as i thought.

Everything was in my mind,all an image on how i wanted my life to be but my condition was real,i had proof right on the table,a file with my name in block letters.

I took the bottle in my hand,held it close.

Now my question made sense.

"How much do i need you?"

Taking two gets me to sleep,more that that i will be lifeless.

I made up my mind,that life should not be wasted.Sleeping seemed a better choice.
As i took the pills from the bottle,the echo sound became louder and louder,i fainted

This all felt like a dream,but i can't wake up.I knew that i was lying in a bed.

There was whispers everywhere with the echo beep sound in the distant.I felt people were around me.

I couldn't make out what they were saying,but caught a few words.

"We need emergency right here,call Dr.mellisa,he is going back and forth into coma,one said.

Another asked,whats the problem?

To which he got a reply,overdose probably sucide attempt.

One thing was clear now,what have i done!
I just had a memory of my hallucination.I wished that i had taken two pills but i didn't.My whole life with its memories and my hallucinations about my life was flashing before me this whole time.

The reality and dreams was one twisted memory of mine.

It was the symptoms all along.

There was nothing i could do about it now,except listen to the rhythmic echo beep sound .It wasn't from my head but i understood where it was from.

And i really hoped that it would stop.

THE END