I Have Something To Say

1. A Little Refresher

My name is Olivia aka superwholock_4life and this is my coming out story.

When I was younger, I loved the outdoors and music and art. I was fascinated with bugs and dinosaurs. I had a deep insight on life and that's kind of where it all began. I have never heard of the term "gay" until fifth grade. I didn't really know that guys can like guys and girls can like girls or that sexuality and who you're attracted to really didn't have any limits.

Growing up, I started to notice that I looked at girls the way a guys would look at girls. I thought they were beautiful. That scared me a little because I didn't know what this meant. I wasn't sure if there was something wrong with me or if I was perfectly fine. In fifth grade, I had a crush on this guy. We were sweet on each other so the thought of me liking girls got lost somewhere in my brain and I forgot about it.

In sixth grade, I became more familiar with the LGBTQ+ community. There was a girl who I found fairly attractive. She seemed to know a lot about the "gay" term but I was too afraid to directly ask her about it because it was sixth grade and I didn't want to look like an idiot. When I went into seventh grade, I now knew what gay meant after countless nights of me being online looking it up. At first, I was kind of grossed out not because I thought it was wrong but because it was unheard of to me.

Then, I entered eighth grade and my whole life changed. My parents were going through a nasty divorce, my grades weren't the best, and on top of that I realized something. I had feelings for one of my closest friends, Emma (that's not her real name). I was a bit scared at the fact that I liked her. We had known each other for a long time and I was afraid that maybe one day I would act upon my feelings for her.

I couldn't help but stare at her sometimes. She was adorable. I loved the way her eyes looked when she laughed. I loved her sense of humor and basically her whole self. The problem was,  even if we did end up dating, what if we broke up? I had a very strict policy in which I would never date a close friend because I was simply afraid that we wouldn't be friends anymore if we broke up.

Later in my eighth grade year, I messaged her on Pinterest ( this was before I got my iPhone). Because after much thought, it finally made sense to me. I knew who I was.
Me: ...hey
Emma: hey
Me: I have something I have to tell u
Emma: ok
Me:........I'm bisexual

From there, the conversation was nothing but her asking me questions and sending me pictures of girls and asking me if I found them attractive. Emma was so happy that I found who I was. One by one, I told my friends. They were so accepting . It felt good to finally  say it out loud. You're bisexual and that's okay.

It made sense for me to be bisexual. I liked guys. In fact, I was sort of in a flirtationship with a guy at the time. At the same time however, I really liked Emma as well as another girl.