I Have Something To Say

2. Project Bi

The next step was to tell my parents. I was extremely hesitant with everything I did and how I acted around them especially my dad.

If there was one thing that everyone knew, it was that my dad was a very traditionally guy. He was raised in a very traditional household. He believed that men were the breadwinners and that women stayed at home. Multiple times had my dad made comments that hinted at his homophobia. He even told my younger brothers that two guys liking each other is wrong.

That discouraged me. I already struggled to be myself around my dad because of who I simply was. I had (and still have) a pixie cut and wore lots of dark colors and listened to metal. Not exactly my dad's vision of the perfect daughter. My mom on the other hand didn't seem to show any signs of  remorse for people in the LGBTQ+ community which made sense because she was always the more understanding accepting adult.

I would constantly be going through this cycle of courage and confidence pushing me closer to coming out of the closet. But also in that cycle was discouragement dragging me back in the dark. This went on for a whole year. Eventually I had enough.

I was now a freshman in high school. I had had a rough summer with lots of family drama with the divorce and with custody battles. One day, I decided to go to the library. I got the usual: two novels, some comics, a book on art, some sheet music and that was it. As I was walking to the self checkout, a certain book caught my eye. It was rainbow colored; the gay pride flag.

I was curious so I walked over and picked it up. It was called This Book Is Gay. It looked good. It had everything from tips on coming out to safe sex. I decided to check it out. My dad had gone to the library with me along with my brothers. As we were walking out, he noticed the book and started asking me if I was gay. I kept saying no I was just curious. Eventually he was able to squeeze it out of me. I asked him if he would be mad at me and he said no so I just said it. "I'm bisexual".

We talked and said that it was okay if I was bisexual. Don't get me wrong, it was awkward. I told my mom and she was cool with it. I just felt kind of restricted because my dad said I shouldn't tell my brothers because they could be upset. That pissed me off. I told you why can't I tell them? If they have a problem with it, then too bad, I thought. I hadn't come out to any of my other family members but I'm working on that.