Three Cheers For The Teenage Years

Freshman Fears

My name is Jewel, I'm 14 years old and I start my freshman year tomorrow, I'm terrified. I'm going to a new school because I moved over the summer, so tomorrow I'm definantly going to stick out. I'm sure everybody else has their whole year planned, who their going to hangout with, who their lunch buddies are........ while I'll probably get stuck all by myself in the corner of the cafeteria next to the misfit kids who defy authority and wear skinny jeans there sizes too small. I think it's safe to say tomorrow will be the worst day of my life.
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It's been a week and so far I've managed to make sure I'll never sit with the cool kids. Today at lunch I was walking to my seat in the corner of the room when before I could comprehend the situation I knocked straight into who I'm assuming is the captain of the chest team because every bubblegum popping, bowwearing, shortskirt ran to her side. " oh my god, I'm so sorry," I said in shock trying to clean up the mess I had just made with the shittiest excuse for an enchilada I had ever seen. "Ugh just fucking watch where you're going next time please." She as she turned around swiftly before turning to her friend to say "She's such a dumbass, can't even see in front of her. I feel embarassed for the little wannabe." Now to be honest I wasn't exactly sure what she thought I wanted to be, but I knew I would never live down that little blunder.
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Something's wrong with me. Today in choir I couldn't stop thinking about the girl sitting next to me, taylor, I've had her on my mind a lot lately and every time it's ended with the undying urge to kiss her. What the bell is wrong with me, I don't like girls, at least I don't think I do. I've been thinking about this for a while now but it can't mean I'm gay, I mean there's this guy (matt) who just makes me melt on sight, but I still think about her sometimes. It can't mean anything..... can it?
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I did it..... I told Taylor about what I keep thinking about and she thinks about it too, so maybe it wasn't that strange after all. But I'm confused more than ever now because she kissed me when I told her, and I kissed back so now I'm worried................. Am I bisexual? Or am I just fucking losing it?