distance ↠ phan

Part- 15

February 13 2010

Today's the day Phil films the video. I'm beginning to doubt this. What if they overreact, or what if they call Phil names, I can't have him sad. I sighed in frustration, and went into my room. Phils recording the video right now, but he doesn't want me near his room, as he can't risk me hearing a word he's saying.

He's been in his room for almost an hour now so I'm guessing he's almost finished recording it, but there's still the task of editing and uploading it.

I was downstairs drinking my tea and watching an anime when Phil came down, sighing in exhaustion. He fell onto the couch, slouching into me.

"that was tiring. I spent about thirty minutes planning it, then another thirty to film it, and around an hour to edit it, it's loading to be posted now, and it's only on two percent after twenty minutes"

I rubbed his back sympathetically, "that's okay, at least now they'll know we're together, and they're going to respect that"

He smiled sweetly at me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

We sat like that, watching anime for around two hours when Phil went upstairs to check the percentage, it was around 97 so we both went upstairs, and sat near the computer patiently waiting for it to finish so we could tweet.

It was 99% when Phil tweeted a video would be up in 5 minuets, warning them to be ready.

It was being posted on his side channel, lessamazingphil, to lessen the views and the possibility of hurtful comments.

It was complete already so I told Phil I was tired, obviously lying, I walked over to my room, locking the door behind me. I was set out to watch this video, I was extremely curious as to what he said in the video, and how many views it was receiving.

I clicked on his profile, and pressed play. He was wearing his blue flannel as he had on now, and he is leaning close to the camera.

"Awrf."

"Hi Dan. Happy Valentine's Day."

"I know you said we weren't gonna do anything for Valentine's Day, but you had to go to bed, leaving me for five hours with nothing to do. So, I have made this video, because I love you, and I've never had Valentine's Day with anyone before. So, this is me saying, 'I love you.' "

I smiled widely, a deep shade of read flooding my face already.

" the first time we met, I really liked you, and luckily you saw through that. And then, when we were watching the fireworks, I was like, "I really hope he likes me too." And then during filming, you kissed me, and my heart did that flippy-over thing, and, it'd never done that before, so... that was nice"

I remembered that, the first time we shared a kiss, it was small though, I didn't think much of it, and I definitely didn't think Phil thought of it either.

"The week we spent together in my house was amazing, I think that's when I properly fell in love with you. And when we watched Wall-E on my sofa, and then cried. All the cuddles in bed, and three-hour breakfasts, more of those please. Lying on the sofa and watching films, and funny times in my bed"

I smiled once again, memories flooding through my mind, of all the times we sat in bed watching TV, and the times we shared our love with each other. I remember all the times Phil told me he loved me and all the times we kissed, how sweet it was.

"And when we can't be together, all the hundreds of hours of Skype calls that we've had have made me eight million times happier.
And all our Manchester days, and watching Avatar in 3D, and kissing in 3D glasses, and...

So many other things, that I'm probably forgetting, but those are just a few that make me smile.

Meow"

Phil is the cutest thing I've ever seen. He was blushing like mad, and he couldn't seem to stop smiling. What I love is that it seemed he was only talking to me, he was acting as if the fans weren't going to watch this at all, which I cherish about this video.

"And I just wanna say that I love you so much, and I'm so happy to have you in my life, and... you are the best person in the world. So thank you, for being so amazing.

I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day, Dan"

He turned off the camera, as I felt tears threaten to spill, they were tears of joy, and utter happiness that I have Phil in my life.

And I couldn't ask for more.

February 14 2010

A day had passed since the video was posted, and the comment section was already flooded with rude comments. Most were extremely homophobic, which hurt me a lot. I didn't think it would have such an effect on me, I was sure I would be okay with the hate but I guess not.

I was already being called a faggot by my father, I don't need any more of that.

I wasn't up for getting out of bed today, I didn't want to go on YouTube either, or twitter.

Phil has been constantly knocking on my door, asking what's wrong but he wouldn't understand, he's left me alone now.

I stood up, walking over to the middle of my room and sitting on the floor. I curled up into a ball, in fetal position, and I just stayed like that for a while, thinking.

What if people unsubscribe, what if they stop watching my videos, what will my life be then? Nothing. I won't have any motivation besides Phil, I'll have no job, no fans, no nothing. I don't think I could deal with all that.

Maybe we should delete the video, it'll do us both good. I could tell phil was under pressure and well, he was drinking more coffee today, and he seemed restless, he couldn't stop checking YouTube and twitter to check for hate, just to beat down on himself more.

I was doing the opposite, only I was still beating myself about it. I hate making Phil feel stressed out, this was all my idea, I shouldn't have done this.

I decided it was time to go downstairs and talk to Phil about this. I saw Phil, staring into space, still drinking his coffee, which was his 3rd cup since this morning.

"we gotta take it down Phil"

"I know Dan, I think so too, I can't handle it right now"

A/N

Wow it's 12:12am and I'm not tired but I'm going to regret it in the morning, ugh, also yes I know some information here isn't correct, as Dan was in India when this actually happened but whatever just pretend.

~luke ✨