Chapter 33
A million thoughts raced through Steve’s head. He sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees, alternated between rubbing his face and resting his chin in his hands, while staring off into space. The irregularities of his mission, were, so far, swallowed up in its successes. This irregularity, however, would not lend itself to exoneration so easily. The Space Force would not tolerate it, and in all likelihood, neither would public opinion. They would tolerate politicians, sports and movie stars, and royalty behaving this way; but not military heroes. He had been told that the President had gone public with the information, and that he was going to be a household name. Tammy, too, would be extremely famous. Whatever happened from here on out, Tammy returning pregnant with his child would be a major embarrassment to the President, the Space Force, and to him and Tammy; this situation was going to go very badly.
Still, he did not feel only despair. There was within him a seed of excitement, and a feeling of love. He loved Tammy, and he already felt some love for this tiny child of his and Tammy’s. He considered a thousand ways to get around the circumstances, but none were feasible. He and Tammy would be disgraced. He would be a classic figure—the fallen hero. Even worse, a full investigation could no longer be swept under the rug. Every mistake made, or risk taken, would now be brought to light. He would no longer be a hero at all; he would be considered a lucky fool. Any further mistakes would be magnified and prove his foolishness and incapability. Tammy would also become an object of scorn and ridicule. He could take it on the chin, but she—he could not bear to think. Time was on his side, but he could see the end from the beginning, and no success or choice would turn this situation around.
He had told Tammy that they would figure something out, but neither of them believed that. She was devastated, and it was his fault. Still, as he reflected, the idea of raising a family with her brought some light onto the darkness of the circumstances. Perhaps, with time, the controversy would be forgiven, and their place in history would be restored. It would not be pleasant, though, in the meantime.
He lay back on his bed, knowing that sleep would be impossible, even while feeling overcome with fatigue.
***
“You do not seem to be yourself. Are you alright?” Aspiria put her hand on Tammy’s shoulder. Tammy, who never sat down, was sitting on a chair in the lab and leaning forward with her elbows on the counter. She was lost in thought, and hadn’t seen any reason to hide her feelings from Aspiria, as she would have done if any of the men were currently in the lab.
Tammy looked up and over to her, and gave Aspiria a half smile. She put her hand up and onto Aspiria’s hand still resting on her shoulder. “I’m fine. Thank you.”
Aspiria looked at her knowingly for a few moments and then sat beside her. “Tell me about your child,” Tammy asked.
“Caryell,” she said with a smile that faded quickly into worn concern. She forced her smile back again. “He is thirteen now. He is a very good young man. He is a good student, and he is very helpful to his father and me. I struggled for many years, with no success, in having a child. Roloff and I prayed many times that we could have children. I thought that we might have a large family, but then I worried that we may have no children. Finally, after several years, Caryell came. I had hoped that I would have more children, but I was not ever blessed with another child. Now, I cannot imagine my circumstances being any different. I am so happy with my Caryell. He loves the outdoors. His father and he are great at fishing, and they love to go camping. Caryell is good at sports, and he loves to play ball sports with his friends.”
