- I wrote that last paragraph to the Jury to explain my actions in my own way. It hurt to just turn 17 and be ready to die. I haven't even gotten a chance to really live life yet. So much more to happen. It was a lot on my mind to think about at the time. Once they esquarted me out the court room I dropped a tear down my face. " Don't cry now " , said the deputy walking me down the court house hall. I looked at him , giving him the look as if I was going to say , "You don't know shit about me" , but only thing that came out was , "don't judge a book by its cover" . I've watched in movies where they get their last meal and me personal , I just want my moms cooking. I still reminisce on the fact she went out first. My pops is still no where to be found. I thought maybe he'd devise a plan to break me out or something , but he did nothing. Letting me rot away like the rest of the people in here.
- I ran into a fellow Muslim in here. His name was Muhammad (Salallahu allehi wa salam). " As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu " , I said from a distance as he stood from finishing praying. " Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu " , he replied. We exchanged greeting. As we begun to talk , he provided assurance to me that I may die but the best thing to do was pray for forgiveness. " Insha Allah " , I said as I was walked back to my cell. To me it was like I was already in my coffin. I could do nothing but sit there and think , " Will they kill me tomorrow ? ". The most frightening thing about Death Row is , they can kill anytime they choose. Only thing they have to do is tell you the day before and book it down. Call the attorney and your family , that's it.
- When they let me out of my cell to talk to some of the other inmates , they applauded me. Micks and Rhodes put some of them in here. Some were in here because of the other cops I killed. For the first in my life , I felt respected. Since I first came on that block in Philly , people didn't fear me. They laughed at me actually for being so close to my moms. I tried ways to get respected but no one ever took me serious except for Malik. I remember I tried jumping off the roof with my skateboard. I broke both ankles and my should because when I came down on my legs , my knees flew into my shoulders. They laughed at me for being handicap and in a wheelchair. That's why I was homeschooled and took classes online. It felt good to be known and walked to be talked to and checked up on by more than my mom or Malik. I guess you could say the thought of death slipped my mind. I was having fun with other people for the first time.
- You wouldn't understand what I'm going through unless you did it yourself. Anybody can become a killer all you gotta do is push them to the limit. For me , my limit was killing my once called best friend. After finding out that he was alive , I had to get more answers of why he faked his death. It hurt me a lot to take people's lives but I looked at it as if it had to be done.
- My main focus in here was to try and get out. I just turned 17 and I damn sure wasn't going to spend 10 years in here just to end up being killed. Usually they leave you on Death Row for 10 if you have good behavior but if you fuck up then you get it quick. At first I thought of getting it over with being as though my life had been destroyed. My father was still m.i.a. as usual. My mother was dead. I would soon follower in her footsteps into the path of death. Seeing the reaper at the end of my way calling my name. I imagined laying on that cold white bed as others watched me die. Looking into the families and friends of those I killed eyes filled with rage and sorrow. With the spot light on me and the reaper rubbing his hand down my face to close my eyes for eternity. I felt as if I deserved it. No one else deserved to be here but me. I made the choices and decisions to be here. I took the chances and now I'm facing the consequences. Just as they stuck me with the needle and the third pump shot through my veins. I closed my eyes and let it all go.
- I woke up to the guards holding me down because I was screaming in my sleep because of the nightmare. They took me to the nursing unit of the prison and gave me my own bed and stuff. There , the nurse , Ms Anderson. She was 5'6 , a little dark chocolate with all white teeth. Mm. Just like I like them. "Good , you're finally awake", she said as she walked in with her clipboard in hand. "Yeah", I said. She walked closer towards me and clicked her pen before asking , "Now do you want to tell me what happened?". "I had a bad dream that's all. Nothing major. It's just hard to keep my mind right in these walls", I said as I sat up on the side of the bed. "Well , should've thought of the consequences before doing what you did. Anyway you seem to be fine. Your vitals check out ", she said. "So I can leave now", I asked as I stood up and noticed I was handcuffed to the bed. "No , these gentlemen will escort you to the wardens office. He wants to have a little chat with you", she said as she signaled for the guards to come from behind the curtains.
