The Battle With Myself

Chapter 3

Leandra's P.O.V

Death smells like roses.

And lillies that float in water, you know, those things frogs jump on.

I learned that when you think about roses and lillies, they make you forget things.

Sometimes, I wish I were a frog. Frogs don't deal with death, I used to say.

But they do.

Sometimes, I wish I were a butterfly. Butterflies don't deal with death, I said.

But they do, too.

It's times like this when I realize that..my dad was right.

Nothing is fair. There are no resting spots. You live, you die. The end.

I get up from the floor and silently walk in the living room.

There's an empty beer bottle on the counter. And a notepad next to it.

Do it. My conscious says. Just pick up the bottle. Write the note. Take the knife. Kill yourself.

So because I hate myself, I pick up the notepad.

And because I hate myself, I pick up the pen.

And because I hate myself, I write the note.

Life is Beautiful. End it before it controls your mind.
-L

Because I hate myself, I picked up the bottle.

I was gonna die.

I was already dead.

I am already dead.

"Leandra."

"Leandra."

"Leandra. Put the knife down."

It's my mom.

I throw the bottle at the wall. "Shut up. Shut. Up. No. You did this. ITS WAS YOU!"

"Put the knife down"

"Go die, mother. Oh wait!" I say.

"Leandra. Put it DOWN."

"NO! SHUT UP!" I stab the wall. "Look what you did. To me. To our perfect lives. You died. Your so selfish. And your job," I burst out laughing. "A stripper? You didn't have the body anyway."

"Honey. Put the knife down."

Someone knocks on my door.

Hailey walks towards me. "Honey...what's wrong? Please put the knife down. Life is valuable and every ones life has a purpose.  Maybe he put these obstacles in front of you so that in every outcome you will be stronger. Maybe he wants you to understand that anything can happen in life. Maybe he just put these things in your life for a lesson, a sign. The storm doesn't last forever, and when it's over it will be worth it. All the pain, will be worth it. Please. For me. For the people who love you put the knife down." Hailey says.

"Hailey! Your here! Great! You can watch me die. Whoop! Don't tell anyone! And quiet down, my mom might hear you!" I say with a smile.

"You can stay for as long as you want with us. We'll make sure your properly taken care of. We can even-"

I giggle "Won't be needing that! I'll be dead silly! Haha!"

"What's wrong, Leandra. Talk to me. Please, your scaring me." Hailey says.

My snile fades. "Who killed my dad? Who took my last resort of happiness? Huh? WHO TOOK IT!"

"I don't know, Leandra. I don't. But you can't face your problems by killing yourself. Please, we can do this together if you can just put the knife down."

She slowly walks towards me. I jump. "Don't get near me! All I bring is death. I don't want you to get hurt. Please. Let me do this. I need to. For your good."

"Your mother wouldn't want you to make the same mistake she did. Neither does your dad. They would want you to live, to keep moving on. To face death in the face and laugh. You can do it. Please Leandra. Put the knife down." Hailey says in tears.

I sit there with no words. She's right. She's always right. But I'm lost. So confused and heartbroken. I throw the knife on the ground slowly and cry.

Because I hate myself, I scream.

Because I hate myself, I throw things.

Because I hate myself, I scratch at my skin.

Because I hate myself, I collapse in Hailey's arms.

Because I hate myself, I fall, break, and shatter.

Because I hate myself, I let go.

And because I hate myself, I smell meadows and meadows and meadows.

Of Roses.

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This was a sad chapter. :((

Ugh I'm crying, no one deserves any of this in their life, not even my worst enemy.

I hope you guys liked this chapter, get ready for the next one bc it's gonna be...

Intresting...hehehe

Well thanks for reading!

On the side it Simeon Eastern, Hailey's boyfriend.

Him and David will be introduced next chapter.

Thanks,
    Stella L.