Never

Chapter Seven

After Lily's attack on Felix and her escape attempt, Pan had nearly decided to throw her back into a cage and be done with it all. Lily had argued, however, fighting him furiously, once again threatening to take her own life if he locked her up again. In the end, Pan had agreed, punishing her instead by taking away her sword. Lily had felt like a child whining to a parent as she'd begged him to give it back-- "how will I protect myself?"-"you know what Felix has been trying to do to me, you foul, cock-sucking..."-- but he'd simply smirked at her in response to her pleas, infuriatingly smug and calm. Everyday she raised the issue with him, hating him a bit more every time, and he'd merely responded with a condescending smile and a murmured, "You can have it during lessons, and maybe if you behave, you can get it back soon."

Three weeks after this, Pan was still refusing to give Lily her sword back. She'd behaved perfectly, throwing herself into the Lost Boys' every activity. Eventually they'd begun letting her run wild with them, join them on their daily trips all over the island, and a tiny part of Lily had enjoyed it. She'd secretly enjoyed the feeling of belonging, almost like she was Mason again. Those emotions, however, had been overridden by the desperate need to get out of there, to get away from Peter. Of course, she shared this with no one.

One day, Lily and the Boys were on a hunt for mermaids off Mermaid Lagoon, waiting for Pan to return from one of his mysterious trips to the Enchanted Forest. Lily sat at the top of one of the highest rocks overlooking the clear turquoise water, swinging her legs, acting as lookout. When a mermaid was sighted, the Lost Boys would all instantly dive into the water, slashing and stabbing and waving around nets pointlessly as they desperately tried to trap and kill one of the vicious mermaids. Every once in a while, a boy would howl in delight, screaming that he'd got one, he'd stabbed it, only to realize in horror that he'd hit another boy with his sword under the water and had perhaps sawed off a toe or two. This was never met with a sense of emergency or fear, only disappointment at not catching a mermaid as the injured boy hobbled back to camp to wrap his wound.

Lily's dark eyes raked the water, perfect vision tracing the patterns in the water, hoping to detect the telltale swirl of a mermaid's swishing tail. Today had been an unlucky day for the boys, however, as apparently the mermaids were off in the ocean rather than their sunny lagoon. However, Lily didn't lose hope, convincing the boys to keep watching the water, that maybe a mermaid would come at the least expected moment.

Lily almost fell of the rock and into the water below when she felt a hand slap suddenly down on her shoulder. She let out a tiny yelp, reaching for the nearest thing to use as a weapon, grabbing a sharp rock and whirling around. Behind her, to her amazement, stood the boys she'd met her very last night at the orphanage, her shy neighbor who'd advised her to disguise herself as a boy.

"Jan?" Lily gasped in bewilderment. "You've been a Lost Boy all this time? How did I not..." It hit her then, that she'd been too preoccupied with her own issues to look for him. Of course he was here, he'd come to the dance, hadn't he? She should have looked for him.

He spoke, almost reading her mind. "You've been busy, I know." He laughed softly, sitting down beside her.

"So how come you're not down there, hunting with the boys?" asked Lily carefully. Better to keep the conversation light. Don't ask where his loyalties lie, you don't want to know.

"Hate mermaid hunting," smiled Jan, lifting up his left hand to show too missing fingers. "Felix accidently hit me last time. Thought I was a mermaid, apparently." He sighed softly. "Man, I hate that guy."

Lily's mood brightened at this, but she still kept their topic away from Pan and his motives. "So, how are you liking Neverland?"

"I..." Jan looked around, as if not wanting to be heard. "I like belonging somewhere, you know? But Pan... he's something else. He's evil, Lily."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, God, Jan, I was so worried he'd corrupted you too." and then they were both laughing until their sides hurt, shaking until tears poured down their faces. It shocked Lily how good it felt to laugh, even when what they were discussing really wasn't a laughing matter. She took deep breaths, steadying herself.

"I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when Pan..."

"Which time?" asked Lily tiredly. "No, I'm joking, kid. Don't worry, he can be pretty damn scary."

"Yeah," agreed Jan, falling silent. He pushed back his black hair, letting it fall back into his face again.

Lily leaned back, content to just sit and not talk for once. As she closed her eyes, relaxing, she was shocked to find that she was actually happy for once. Sitting there with Jan, just a friendly face in a world where she couldn't trust anyone, felt like a gift. Jan was surprisingly sweet, and very smart for his age. Lily felt affectionate towards him, almost protective. He was a good bit younger than Bali had been, but Lily had to admit they had similar personalities. But Bali... Bali was brave. Bali would have stood up for her when Pan was hurting her. Jan hadn't. Don't kid yourself, Lily. He's not your best friend back from the dead.

Just as this thought crossed her mind, the shouts of the boys below them reached Lily. Jan reacted first, letting out a gasp as he leaned forward, peering down over the ledge. Far below them, the natural ripples in the water had changed. Instead of your average, everyday waves, the swells were growing, white tipped and angry. And, lo and behold, Lily caught sight of a shimmering, swirling, purple tail.

"Mermaids!" she shrieked, turning to rush down the mountain slope. However, remembering how careful she'd had to be while climbing up, she knew she'd arrive too late to assist the boys in their capture. Turning, determination hardening her resolve, she sprinted towards the cliff edge.

"Lily, what the hell?" shouted Jan, fumbling to catch at her arm as she dove.

Lily flew through the air, body arching in a perfect dive, slipping gracefully towards the surface of the water below her. The mermaid was still far behind her, swimming determinedly towards the shore and the Lost Boys. Lily turned, swimming swiftly towards where the boys were wading, weapons in hand, dancing and yelling, pointing at her.

"The Tiger jumped off the cliff!" one of them yelled with glee. "And look, look, she's swimming towards us, she's gonna help us-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off as two icy hands grasped Lily's ankle.

Lily screamed, gulping in water, kicking out at the mermaid. But the water was thick and turbulent, and Lily's feet moved in slow motion, merely brushing the creature's arm. Lily turned around in the water, splashing and yelling profanity as she reached for the mermaid, ready to claw at her face. But when the mermaid's face rose above the tossing waves, Lily's mind went slack. The girl's skin was pale and green, pockmarked and sickly looking. It hung off her skull in thick patches, loose and slimy. Her hair was lank and kelp like, reaching out like tentacles. Her eyes were white pits, bloodshot and pupiless, containing only silver irises. Those eyes stared into Lily's soul, chilling her to the bone.

And then Lily sprang into action, scratching at her face, striking out with sure, heavy punches. She vaguely wished she had her sword as the mermaid fought back, long claws raking Lily's skin. She struck out with her powerful tail, smacking Lily's ankle which let out a muffled crack through the water.

Lily took control again, climbing over the mermaid, using her as a life raft, she tore at the fish, screaming. And then the Lost Boys were around her, splashing through the water, slashing at the mermaid with their weapons, making sure never to hit Lily, almost as if she was one of them. It was that moment, as they fought the monster in the water with them side by side, that Lily realized that Pan had been right. She did belong here. She was a Lost Girl.

And she hated it.

She had to get out.