What My Future Holds♥ [Adopted by Janiel]

Sorry...

Hi guys... So sorry I probably keep teasing you, and I know I posted a message like a minute ago, but I thought I could tell you guys my story about anxiety.

 So I have a huge fear on something that is a bit... unexplainable. I have a fear of fear itself. Now it's not that serious, but by a fear of fear I mean, that I have a fear of getting panic attacks, and probably passing out, because I HATE hospitals. This only makes me almost have panic attacks which triggers my fear instantly. Now, I have a really good memory, and by that I mean I remember things from when I was like a year and a half old, and it's not that good. I instantly associate any bad thing happening from a previous action that I did { Such as: leaving my shoes in one place, not putting on the same perfume, not using the same clothes} and it's horrible. Because of this, I've blocked many things out of my life, EVEN WATCHING CERTAIN YOUTUBER'S VIDEOS! Only because I don't want to be reminded of what happened previously.

 Now my anxiety also revolves around leaving my house. I'm extremely introverted, and I consider my room, with my computer, my safe-zone. When I'm away from it for too long { except from school because for some reason I don't get nervous there} I get extremely moody. The ONLY way I don't get moody is if I have my phone or computer with me, and being allowed to do what I LIKE only. And I know, this is a problem, but I've worked it out more. So you may wonder: "Angeli? Why do you keep talking about random things that don't make sense?". Well because this is something that keeps me from leaving my house, only increasing my anxiety levels by a lot if I'm told we're going out.

 This whole thing has changed my life. I used to go out and not care when I came back, I used to be that happy person that didn't really care if they visited their family members or not. I also used to be the person that would LOVE to go out to the mall and walk around for endless hours. But now, I'm not. I'm always locked up in my room, trying to skip an anxiety attack. And it all started after that week full of torture during summer. In the beginning of the week, the Sunday, I got a HUGE migraine, and I panicked because I thought I was going to throw up, and that my skin was turning pale. I started having a panic attack and I even got dizzy, almost passing out. Which led me to a week full of panic attacks.... And I really don't want to go into detail with that.

 I'LL TELL YOU GUYS MORE ABOUT IT IF YOU WANT!!!! But for now this is all I'm saying, and you guys just know it gets better, even if it takes months, you'll get out of it.