Something About Nova

Nova...

It's freezing cold yet my body is a thousand degrees, I'm close to explosion and I don't know what to do. It's been four hours since we argued, since I last saw the look of horror in his eyes when I found out what had been going on...Jess was her name, she was tall and slender and everything I could never be and the worst part was, he loved her more than he had ever loved me and that tore me apart.

I've completely shut down now and there's no chance of that changing any time soon, I cant help the way it all effected me; the way it made me feel so worthless and so easy to replace. He told me once that I was all he ever needed in life and I should've known then that he was going to leave me one day, I should've known that for a long time I guess but I've always been so insecure and lonely so I believed him. I remember when we had our first argument and I left him alone and went and sat in my safe place all alone in the pouring rain. I remember it like it was yesterday because my safe place was where I always went as a child whenever my parents got into the usual routine of shouting which led to them both throwing things, slamming doors, crying, screaming and ruining my life piece by tiny piece. But that was how my life had always been it was a never ending cycle to be honest and it had ruined me slowly but surely. The floor of the greenhouse had always been my safe haven and that's where I was when he found me after I knew about her, he came into the greenhouse and tarnished my once peaceful feeling when I entered that little place I called mine. So here I am, wondering aimlessly around a cold wood, alone, I feel extremely tense here right now and I'm afraid ill bump into someone when all I want right now is to be alone...that's all I ask.

* she hears footsteps and quickly starts running purely out of not wanting to be seen by anyone so she can continue in the silent state she had been in for the past four and a half hours *