Love Letters

Chapter Two

“August 27, 2008 8:34pm

Subject: Kristie

I love you so much. I'm dying to hear from you. I don’t know what’s wrong. I'm sorry for acting like I did today. When I got mad cause that dude said that shit and u still wanted to hang out with him. I don’t car if you do. I trust you to. But I just want you to be happy because I care about you. You mean the world to me, and if your not happy, I'm not happy. I will wait for you if that’s what it comes down to. I promise you that. I just hope you mean it when you say you’ll wait for me. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you. I will die without you…my heart feels like it breaks when stuff happens. I knew we should have talked to your parents…and its not like we weren’t trying. Billy wouldn’t have went for it but I know your mom would have been fine with it. She even said I'm not too old for you. And your grandma and great grandma love me. And most of all, you love me. I miss you so much, and I'm always lonely when you’re not around. And when I whistle at other girls, and tell you they are good looking, I'm just joking, you’re the only girl that’s good looking in my eyes. I love you so much, and I only want to be with you. And I WILL wait for you if that’s what it comes down to baby. I'm so scared I hope everything is alright. Just please call me, a million thoughts have been running thru my head. Like if ur dog got hit by a car, or something happened to a family member, or something else. But know that ill always be here for you. I love you boo.

-Mat”

 Thursday morning I was sitting out on my front steps waiting for my bus. When Mat pulled in across the street, I ran over to his car. He wanted to know what happened, and I told him. I could see the pain in his eyes. I asked him for a hug, and he got out of the car and gave me a hug. It felt so good to be in his arms. After he left I cried. He gave me my notebook back, and he had written inside of it. This is what it said.

“August 28, 2008

I am so worried about losing you right now. I am sitting at my computer desk just looking at the pictures of us. I couldn’t be in the kitchen because of the pink flowers. They are still alive and doing well. I don’t know what’s going on right now. You just left my house in such a hurry today. I am so worried about you. You said that you would call me ASAP. I want to hear your voice say “ Everything will be alright” I feel like I have been having a heart attack ever since you left my eyesight. You mean the world to me. Big Vern came to my house to calm me down at about nine thirty, after I took you home. He told me that if we are truly in love, then we will wait for each other. I don’t want today to be the last time I get to see you for a while tho. I really don’t want to have to wait to be with you, but I will if that is what it takes.  I want to be with you now and forever, for eternity. I'm sorry I got upset about your friend Quinn. I just took it, as “this dude wants you to break up with me because he is convincing you that I'm going to break your heart anyways” and he obviously likes you. And you want to ride his horse at his house. Like I really don’t think you would do anything because I trust you enough that you wont. I mean, you said you would wait for me if I went to war, and yesterday when I asked you to marry me you say YES! With a big smile, But it’s just the fact that he said I'm going to break your heart, then you want to go to his house and ride his horse, I don’t get it. I really don’t want your love to grow cold for me. I'm sorry I can’t get my shit together in life. I have been trying really hard ever since I fell in love with you and decided that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Nobody has ever cared for me like you do. Everyone ends up fucking me over in the end. I don’t know why, because I really am a nice guy. I love you more than I have ever thought possible. I remember when you said, “I cant even eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without thinking of you.” it really made me thing about how much you actually do love me. I really hope your not using this to break up with me. I don’t know, I really don’t think you would do that tho. Maybe I am just moving too fast for you. Its just all my life all I wanted was true love, and when I found it with you I took it and ran. I know that sometimes I get jealous about you being around other boys. But truly, you’re just a beautiful woman, and all kinds of boys hit on you constantly and it drives me insane. Like I trust you totally, I just don’t trust other guys around you, because of people like Brian. I never wanted either of us not to be friends with him actually; I feel bad because you stopped talking to a couple of your guy friends because of me. I just really don’t want this to end. These past couple months have been the happiest times of my life. I wouldn’t trade the memories we have made for anything. Hopefully, we will get to make many more memories. I’m reading this message on myspace from you. It makes me feel really good. In one sentence in mid writing you say “I LOVE YOU, WITH ALL OF MY HEART. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.” And a message from August 17, ten days ago, starts out with “we aren’t going to break up, ever” I really believe that you mean that. I want to be able to cook your breakfast for the rest of our lives. Maybe someday then, I can eat slow. Pam told me that you are going to break my heart because you are young, but I don’t believe her. Because you say I’m amazing and the perfect guy and that I'm the kind of man every girl dreams of and wants. I will prove you wrong that everyone lets you down, because I wont. I love you with all my of my heart and soul boo. You make me the happiest man the world. I literally cannot get mad at you. I may get upset sometimes, but I have never gone to sleep while being upset with you. So I just started crying because I logged onto my old myspace and saw the blog comment you left me two days ago. It says “I'm your baby (: I love you boo. You mean absolutely everything to me, and I’d be so completely lost without you.” I just miss you so much.