for him,

present

his gaze fell upon me

instead of averting his gaze, suddenly his feet start moving towards me, i don't know what to do so i stand looking where i have been. a blush unflatteringly creeping onto my cheeks, making them flushed completely.

'hi' the voice says.
it's sad that the voice that is speaking now, can make me so happy and sad, both at the same time.

'hey' i manage to whisper.

his arm leans against my locker, a habit of his he always had, and still does.

'i was wondering how you are'

how i am? you're kidding? i'm terrible. in fact, worse than terrible. i can hardly sleep or eat and i never want to go out, just to avoid seeing you or her. i kick my subconscious voice to the back of my head.

'i'm fine'

he still stands there, with a look of pity splashed on his face.

my body feels numb from the feeling of sick.

'i just wanted to say sorry, i know you weren't fully supportive of the breakup-'

'what? you're kidding. I don't care, I've moved on'
my gaze moves along the hallway to the girl who's eyes were plastered on us.

'as have you- obviously'

'listen, i just wanted to say... er- you can break your promise. it's ok.'

the familiar pain hit me again.
the promise, the damn promise.

'yeah whatever-'

his arm stopped me from moving

'honestly. i want you to know it's ok, i want to see you happy again'

i want to snap back, saying how i have been, I've been fine. except from wanting to wake up everyday from the nightmare it feels like I have been living. the cavernous void never seems to leave as regret and pain hits me in the stomach and all I ever want to do is feel loved again.

i want to tell him i love him. but i can't.

'yeah.' I said. 'me too.'

i turn around but the world doesn't turn with me. every step away from him feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

but still, every step feels a little bit better than the last.