Phan Oneshots

Nightmares.

Word count: 1422

Trigger: Sad, mild mention of violence, but happy ending. cute cuddly ending.

A/N: I am sorry if the beginning makes anyone cry. I didn't really know where this was going at first... but whatever. I hope it is somewhat enjoyable? Or good?  I hope you guys enjoy it regardless, and feel free to request a oneshot. I will give you credit for it of course. :) 

I love you guys.

~Jo<3

The cold air was calming, the snow kissing my red raw cold, tear stained cheeks. White roses in my hands. The crunching of the fresh snow under my feat was my favourite feature of winter. I looked across the flat land and saw a man, making snow angels. A smile crept across my aching face. I haven't smiled in months. I started to walk closer when they sat up to look at me.

"Get lost. No one wants you here you worthless piece of crap." The smile I had was long gone. Being as weak and broken as I am, another tear slid down my cheek, the light cold wind freezing it as it slid down to my chin. The man was right. I watched as the snowflakes fell onto his dirty blonde hair. His pale face almost making him invisible to me. Freckles dotted around his face, and a pair of thick rimmed glasses placed on his fragile nose. His cheeks pink from the cold. Wearing a black beanie with his clothes just as dark. The long black coat he wore sticking to his slim body as he rose to his feet.His black boots leaving their mark in the snow as he walked over, the black skinny jeans wrapping around his thin legs. Just as he was getting close, to most probably give me a deserved slap or punch I closed my eyes. I scrunched them shut and felt nothing. My eyes flew open to see he was gone. Just like that.

I sighed and turned, walking on down the covered but almost noticeable path. I kept walking, clutching onto the flowers still. I tried not to hold them so tight that I crushed them. I reached a small rounded gravestone, with flowers laid underneath the words on their side. And two other bouquets either side. I knelt down onto my knees, feeling the snow slowly melt and get through my jeans. My knees easily freezing. I placed My flowers down, the actual roses themselves facing the bouquet above them. 

I noticed that snow was sticking to the front of the cold grey grave stone. I reached out one of my small bony red raw hands, feeling my slender fingers rub against the snow to wipe it off. I then ran my fingertips over the words written on the grave stone. The only thing standing out to me being the name.  

Daniel James Howell

"Hey Dan." I looked at the grave stone fully, again for what must have been the hundredth time. "Can you hear me?" I asked, feeling another tear slide down my cheek. "I miss you Dan. Please come back. I miss the feeling of your warm hugs. The way I hold you in my arms. I miss hearing your laugh. It's like music to my ears. If it were a song I'd listen to it on repeat." I laughed quietly to myself. "I miss your eyes. The way I could melt looking into them. They made me feel at home. I miss your voice. The way it soothed me, or calmed me when times were rough."

I looked down at the snow. "I remember everything Dan. Our first kiss. Our first date. Our first... time going to Japan. The time we went to Jamaica and you were so loving to me, when trying to get me to jump from the cliff into the water. The way you told me I'd be fine... and that I had nothing to be scared of." The it hit me with another memory.

"I haven't been anywhere near the ocean or sea since that day. When you jumped in the water... and never came back up."

The memory was painful. Like it was happening again. I remember the fear in his eyes.  Then the apologetic glint in his eyes as he held onto his killer, clinging on as the knife was pushed further. Then as it was pulled out, he was pushed away. Pushed out of my life and into the sea. They recovered his body of course... but by then he was gone. I could have done something. I could have saved him. Then he wouldn't be here. In a box under the ground. 

I forced them to bring him home. Bring his body back to be buried here. I want to be buried with him when I die... and if we are miles a art they won't bother. They will just bury me next to my family. I remember just watching the man stab him. Not moving. Speaking. Crying.

Why was he the one? Why was he the only one? He never hurt anyone. He was never rude. Never mean. He was an angel. He was perfect in my eyes. So why would they hurt him? Kill him. 

"I'm so sorry Daniel. I should have tried! I should have done something instead of being useless. But I didn't. My mistake caused us both pain and suffering. " I started to sob into my hands, my cold, frozen hands that had turned stiff. 

I felt a light weight on my shoulders. I turned and looked up. I didn't say a word. "Please don't cry. I didn't die because of you. It wasn't your fault. You have to be strong Phil. For me." I have been able to see many people over the past months. I don't know if this is real or fake. Am I dying? Am I dead? Am I seeing things? Did I think about his so much that my mind wanted me to see him? I have been able to see people that aren't there. It's like I don't know what reality is any more.

"I love you Dan. Please come back." I mumbles and he looked at me. "Are you okay Phil? What's wrong? Phil wake up babe. Please?" What is going on? Am I sleeping right now? Dan is shaking my shoulder gently. 

My eyes shoot open and I instantly sit up, looking around the room. My eyes land on a pair of beautiful chocolate brown ones. "You're so cold... The heating went off and I thought you were under the covers... you kicked them off in your sleep. You're freezing Phil." More tears slid down my cheeks and he frowned. "What were you dreaming about? Why are you so upset?" He leaned in towards me and gently kissed my cheeks, his warm lips against my cold skin sending electricity through me. He placed soft, gentle, loving kisses all over my face, calming me down more and more. 

"It was just a nightmare." I didn't want to tell him the truth. That I was dreaming about him dying. "I love you Dan... don't forget that." I looked him in the eyes when he looked at me. "I love you too." I smiled a little and closed the small gap between us. Our lips moving in sync together. The night had turned from my worst nightmare, to the best moment.

He swiped his tongue against my bottom lip and I parted my lips, his tongue slipping into my mouth as we kissed. My hands were in his chestnut brown hair, that was curly from not straightening it. I tugged at his hair gently as his lips moved from my mouth to my jaw. His lips made their way to my neck. He sucked and nibbled at the sensitive skin, and I tugged at his hair again, feeling him moan quietly against my neck.  

I soon forgot about the nightmare, just being happy to have Dan in my arms. I guess it's true. You really do never realize how much you need something or someone until it's gone. Thank god it was only a dream teaching me a lesson. 

Dan lifted his head to look at me again and pecked my lips softly. "It's early in the morning. You should go to sleep. I promise nothing else will happen. I'll be right here by your side and I won't leave. He kissed me again, only allowing me to kiss back or a few seconds before pulling away. I smiled, lying down on my side facing away from Dan, and he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, when he was lying down behind me. His head ended up being right behind my neck, so I could feel his warm breath, sending shivers down my spine every so often. 

I soon fell asleep in Dan's arms. Safe from the nightmares. Safe from the monsters that could attack me in my sleep. Feeling safe being with my Dan.