WARNINGS: sadness due to rejection.
Walking into Dan and Phil's apartment I nervously took off my headphones. Why was I doing this again? Oh right, because I had promised Phil... Mentally cursing myself for that, I tried to make my way towards the lounge. The amount of people in the crowded hallways was overwhelming, although it probably only felt like that because I wasn't used to Dan and Phil throwing celebration parties. Yet they were and as usual, I had come in late. Two reasons were to blame for that. One of them was my job at the restaurant, the other was Dan... I had been actively avoiding him for the past couple of weeks and I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Phil's invitation. So silently I decided to find him, congratulate him on the gaming channel and head home again. That was until I met Caspar at the top of the stairs.
"Hey, Y/N!" He spoke, immediately wrapping an arm around me. Now don't get me wrong, I liked Caspar, I really did. He just wasn't my type of person to be honest. There was a reason I chose not to show my face on camera... I didn't like the attention. And if there was one thing that Caspar was good at, it was drawing the attention.
"Hey, Casp. Long time no see. Do you mind?" I subtly shuffled past him, walking directly into Joe Sugg. Well, this was just my luck...
"Oh, Hello." He said, using that adorable voice of his. I had no idea why I thought it was adorable... It just was to me.
"Hi, Joe. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to-" Not finishing my sentence, I squeezed myself though the door, finally reaching the lounge. I apologetically smiled at him, but Joe had always been one to understand so he simply smiled back and focussed on his friends again. Recomposing myself, I scanned the small area for Phil's black hair. As soon as I found it though, my smile immediately faded. He was standing right next to Dan... I felt my entire posture change as I remembered the harsh words that had lead me to my retreat, regretting even coming at all. Who was I kidding? I wasn't ready for this. I couldn't do this... Right at that moment, Dan looked up and made eye contact with me. Me... The silly gaming Youtuber, afraid to show her face on camera... Swiftly turning around, I shuffled past Joe and Caspar again. Deciding to ignore Zoella's calls, I ran down the stairs, thinking that maybe I would make it. Then my arm got caught on the door handle and I dropped my bag onto ground.
"Shit." I mumbled, bending down to pick up my wallet and water bottle.
"I can help with that." Hearing his voice initially hurt. But what made it even worse was how happy it made me feel. Slowly standing up, I took my water bottle out of Dan's hand. I quietly thanked him, trying to avoid any eye contact. If I so much as glanced into those beautiful brown orbs of his I would be lost. As I turned around to finally go outside, I felt Dan's hand grab my arm. He came closer, tripping over his own feet and accidentally pinning me against the wall. He had been drinking... I could smell it on his breath.
"Dan, just leave me alone." I said it in a demanding tone, almost warning him, but I knew he had me trapped. The last conversation we had had ended in me leaving and never coming back... Of course he wouldn't just let me go.
"Please, stop. We need to talk." The influence of the alcohol was audible in his voice. I hated it, so I still tried to free myself from his grip.
"No Dan, we talked. You made your point very clear. The least you can do now is just leave me alone so I can get over you." I gave up struggling. Trapped in between this beautiful boy and the wall, I finally glanced up at him. His eyes were slightly watery from the drinking but he was still as overwhelmingly beautiful as before. Hell, it was even worse considering it was a party. He was wearing his skinny jeans as usual, a plain black shirt covering his upper body. I hated that too. He always looked perfect in plain black shirts... And those eyes, brown and perfectly shaped... So kind, yet so painful to look at.
"Like what you're seeing?" I knew he was joking, but I just couldn't handle it at that moment. He knew god damn well how I felt about him. It was utterly unfair of him to use that against me. God, I had even told him everything. It hadn't just been some silly 'I love you' confession... No it was full on, 'and I love the dimples in your cheeks when you smile, or the way you check your hair every five minutes, and don't even get me started on your arms' kind of confession. It was so embarrassing, then why did he want to humiliate me even further?
"Dick." I meant it, angrily releasing myself from his grip. He didn't let me go just yet though, leaning in way too close for my sanity.
"No, you don't mean that." Once again the smell of alcohol filled my nose. His breath was intoxicating, his eyes struggling to focus on my face.
"You told me last month that you- That you love me." I whimpered, begging for God to end this. How did this beautiful, honest guy change into such a cocky bastard?
"Please Dan, just let me go. I'll never come back. I'll just... Skype with Phil from now on, I don't know." For the first time since he had stopped me, he seemed to be seriously considering something. As if my words had touched him... In a way.
"But I don't want you to leave." His face was so close now and for a moment I dared to dream... But no. He had rejected me, I had to be imagining things.
"Dan, I have t-" The taste of chap stick and mainly alcohol were on my tongue as Dan aggressively forced his lips onto mine. I pulled back in shock, shoving him against the wall opposite of me. Next thing I knew, I rose my hand before smacking it onto his cheek as hard as possible. The sound of my hand hitting his face seemed very loud in the empty hallway... Or maybe I had just hit him incredibly hard... Dan was puzzled by my sudden outburst of anger so I saw my chance and tried to get away. He didn't let me though, immediately grabbing my arm again. I felt a thousand things at the same as his fingers roughly touched my skin. Anger... Love... More anger and a lot of supressed urges. For some reason the later took over when I finally turned around, pushing Dan against the wall. Not even thinking about what I was doing, I crashed my lips onto his, craving for more. Dan happily obliged, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I didn't even care about his intentions anymore, I just wanted to get what I could, before walking out and never coming back. I tugged on his hair as his hands eagerly grabbed my butt.
"Slow down honey." He moaned, turning us around so I was pressed against the wall once more. I pulled on his hair, hard this time, hinting him to shut his mouth. He did, now fully going in for the slightly aggressive kiss. We were literally fighting for dominance when a third voice abruptly interrupted our intense make-out session.
"Dan!" It was Phil, his voice sounding almost demanding. It snapped me and Dan back to reality, immediately letting go of each other. I pushed him off of me, slowly backing away from both guys. One in complete and utter shock, the other still a bit overwhelmed by what had just happened.
"I have to... I... Just..." Turning around, I ran down the stairs and closed the door behind me. Feeling the cold air on my skin, I finally managed to recollect my thoughts. It was too late, the Underground was closed by now... As I signalled a taxi to stop, the first few tears were running down my cheeks.
