Well, its currently 2 am and Jake took me to a party that had alcohol, drugs, and whores everywhere. I had trouble with drugs and alcohol last year and he knew that I was going through so much and I never touch any of that stuff anymore and he was already drunk when he picked me up so he didn't care if I wanted to go or not. I did not want to go.
Anyways, at the party all I saw was people making out or doing drugs. I lost jake and as I was trying to find him a boy came up behind me and tried to lift up my shirt, I punched him and ran outside. crying because of how mad I was at jake for taking me to this shit. I hate when jake drank because he had no emotions at all. He found me outside and started yelling at me and telling me to cheer up so that it didn't ruin his night. So, to make him happy, I drank. and I smoked. and snorted. and got so fucked up. I never thought id get back into this. But it reminded me of why I did it, it brought back the feeling I always tried to get rid of. and I couldn't stop drinking. I couldn't stop the drugs. I am now back on the rollercoaster I tried to get off for so long.
Just in case you were to find this diary and are trying to find out why I did the actions I did, its because I have something wrong with me. depression maybe? self hatred? anxiety? all of the above? I have so much hate for myself that I cant stand to look at myself. sure, I can be cocky, but its an act. sometimes I wish I didn't have to care so much, but I do. I wish I could see myself the way others saw me. if someone were to hold a gun up to my head right now, I wouldn't beg for my life.
YOU ARE READING
When we were young
Novela JuvenilWe've been neighbors, best friends, and a heck of a couple for 10 years. Theres been no one else, but as I grow older I learn that maybe I deserve better. Maybe I want a life of my own. Maybe im tired of having to change my future for a boy. As I gr...
