Quiet.
The Earth was quiet but the world? It was not. The world- or my world, rather- was a cacophony of whispering voices and stray thoughts. Noisy, loud- definitely disorganised. Someone I know would be very disappointed in me if he lived in my head; He hated clutter. My mind's a mess. He would hate my mind.
He would hate me immediately once he'll know me better. If he knew me better, he'd never talk to me.
But he doesn't.
No one knows me. No one is close to me. I'm not a loner, per se. I loved (loved, wow, such a strong word to use especially for ambivalent piece of cardboard like me) being alone even though it doesn't seem like it. To be frank, I don't know who I am as well.
Do I love myself? Most definitely not. Do I hate myself? Nope. I'm pretty sure I don't either. But I know a lot of people who loathe me. I honestly am unsure of why do they hate on me but who cares? Why would I care about the opinions of valueless people in my life? I know the truth and what is not. I can distinguish what stories they conjured up from the things I actually wrote to the oblivion with my experiences.
Experiences, life. What a joke. I do nothing. I am nothing. I have never lived a life. I merely existed and start slowly fading away.
From the moment I was conceived, the countdown to my death begins. I am not 'living' a life. I am living a death. Everyday, I am closer to the true calling I've been assigned for. Every moment, I breathe the sorrow in and release toxic melancholy.
If I do feel something, I am happy with my pathetic excuse of existence. Everything is a state of mind, right? And me being in touch of sadness is my form of twisted joy.
I will be truly happy now because my cacophony turned into a symphony.
As I sit down on a large rock near the waters, I have struck a chord that I have been awaiting to perfect and piece together for a long time. The chord that will give meaning to the art I created. The chord that will make me happy for a long long long time.
The boulder, I guess I could call, that I was sitting on was cold and causing my lower body to be number than my upper body that is covered with a thin piece of fabric. I'm glad I found something colder than my heart. Freezing inanimate objects remind me I am human.
The numbness was something I have become accquainted to. Emotions and shit like that? Yeah, not my cup of tea. So this chord that I have hit somewhere in my system was genuinely rare.
I am shining brighter compared to the twinkling stars scattered across the ink-spilled sky thanks to this thing that solved the puzzle and flicked the wand of the conductor to create a different tune.
The tune is getting louder. Getting more persistent. It is assuring me that this is the greatest way to end the jagged death I have been portraying.
The darkness consumed me like it did to the sky at this time. Darkness in this planet is temporary as the hands of time will continue move, it will fade into something mixed between the light and dark. As if the Earth can not decided whether to embrace it's state of weariness or transform to a brighter, better, aura. The light will prevail and rule over.
Each day passes with the same battle. It is the same to me. My battle has been fated a long time ago that it possibly couldn't be called a battle for the end was sealed already with a flourish.
The light never will prevail in my planet. In my world.
Darkness has won the battle with it's victorious trumpet filling my mind and my soulless, hallow body.
It's official. I've decided this- I'm going to kill myself.
