Living A Nightmare (Kaieun)

Chapter 10

Naeun's POV

I was laying in my bed trying to sleep but due to obvious reasons, I wasn't able to. I sat up slightly and turned the small lamp on beside me lidding half of the bedroom. "What should I do..?" I asked myself being filled with uneasiness. My head was hurting slightly from everything that had happened earlier. Luckily, no sound could be heard from downstairs. I sighed before gently touching my left cheek to feel the aftermath. It still stings..

I ended up taking out my diary from my bag.. "Thank goodness no one opened it" I thought to myself in relief as I held it against my chest. I always carried it with me knowing it couldn't be kept at home safely. If he happened to find out about this, I would definitely be in big trouble. I knew it was painful writing in it but, the fact that I could express my frustration and pain without anyone finding out about it, put me in more relief.

I opened it up to a new page and started writing. The painful things I experienced these couple of days were too much for me to fit into a single page.. To me, even a book wouldn't be near enough. As I wrote my eyes started to tear up. I gulped at my nervousness and the amount of guilt inside myself. I'm so pathetic.. So pathetic that I had come to the point where the thoughts of not wanting to exist had developed in my already messed up brain. As I ended my sentence I scribbled harshly and threw the pen on my bed in frustration, disappointed over the fact that no sounds elicited due to the soft duvet beneath. I silently cried by myself having no one by my side to comfort me.. "I'm weak. I need someone.." Were the lousy yet eager thoughts I had gained from all of this.

Flashback

"You're a big girl now.." He muttered as he tried to unbutton my shirt. He had pinned me down to the ground with his strong body making it impossible for me to move. "Please don't!" I screamed while tears streamed down my face continuously. "STAY STILL!" He yelled and slapped me across the face the very same place causing me to divert my head to the side. So painful.. I had an ill feeling developing inside of me and it made me feel like a worthless person. Tears trailed down the sides continuously but I couldn't do anything..

"Please! Please leave her be!" My mother who watched at the back cried and with relief he suddenly stopped. He grabbed me by my neck and looked at me with his crazy blood boiling expression.. "Stay in your limits.. Next time i won't f*cking let you off. I promise that" he muttered and let go of me making my head fall to the floor. I winced in pain as I grabbed the area of my neck he had tried to strangle. He stood up and stopped in front of my mother. "Do that again and you know the consequences" he muttered before turning his eyes at me and then back at my mother. "Don't just sit there! Go make me something!" He growled and walked towards the living room slamming the door in frustration behind him.

I closed my eyes and sighed heavily while trying to get up. I tried to catch my breath as I held onto my throat coughing along. Deep down I was thankful he was gone. However, my mother's guilty expression on her face after looking at me didn't ease the situation.

I wiped my tears and stood up with help of the stair holder due to my legs feeling wobbly. My mother straightaway got up and grabbed my arms.. "Naeun-ah are you okay..?" She mumbled and I gave her a light nod while my eyes that slowly shed tears were still glued to the floor. She brought me into a hug and stroked my hair while these words left her mouth "Thank goodness my girls safe.." She let go of my arms and buttoned up my shirt while I was just stood there silently zoning out. "Go.. get some rest Naeun-ah.." She said with the guilty expression of hers as she caressed my shoulders.. I knew it wasn't her fault. So why did she have to feel guilty..? She did not know it would come to this. I didn't want it to make sense to me. Right now I just needed to lie in bed and rest before my brain exploded.

End of flashback

After having no ability to write further, I placed the diary back into my bag and shoved it down my bed like I always did. I used to place my personal belongings out of sight just in case he would barge in. I sat on my bed and grabbed my pillow to hold against my body. Part of me wished I had a sibling that could keep me company while I kept her company. But never would I want her to go through this pain. Maybe that's why she didn't make it.. She wasn't meant to live this cruelty..